Thank you for your quick response guys (and girls) - can you tell I've been just chomping at the bit, waiting for a response??

redeva - I think that fact that we've been together for so many years is what the problem is . . . if it were a new relationship with someone I didn't know as intimately, I think I would just note it in my memory bank as an experience and find someone who treats me the way that I want to be treated. But I know this guy and I know, deep in my heart, that what He is doing is not intended to hurt me.The only thing I'm having a problem with is the way He makes light of the things I do for Him, which in my mind are all very special acts I would preform for NOBODY but Him. When He laughs it's like He just threw a very special gift right back in my face. I'm sort of wondering if that's His way of dealing with His feelings of unease about being Dominant (which He seems to have, but insists He loves it).

Aesop - I know exactly what You're talking about, He is acting exactly like a bully, someone who needs to make others feel worse to make Himself feel better. I really don't want to (nor do I) believe that He is like that. After 3 years you'd think I would have figured out that He's not a good guy at heart. To be fair to Him, and I always try to be, He does laugh at almost everything. Perhaps it is a defence mechanism, to fend off uncomfortable feelings - anytime we fight He thinks making a joke will make it better, sometimes it works!!!

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to reply. I'll try to talk to Him again tonight. Maybe He just doesn't want to admit that this really isn't His kink. The advise at least made me feel as though I can share my troubles - I've got small shoulders, it's nice to share the burden