Saying the "L" word...

[Arria]

Hello Ozme,

Thanks for your feedback.

Regarding this:
"I also got the impression that men prefer to speak their feelings only if they can be sure they are met by the woman´s feelings."
and your reply to it:
"Arria, I think this is certainly true among younger men before their self-confidence kicks in."
I have to say this is not at all what I had in mind when I wrote that. I was thinking about a man who had before been mistreated and ridiculed by immature girls for having said "I love you". Apparently that made them believe they could take his feelings for granted, act out on him, and even cheat him.

Regarding what you wrote:
"I agree, but also question when "love" is used too freely. To an extent where it becomes pro forma and is given without any emotional content."

I totally am with you here. E. g. hearing it from a one-night-stand would make me freak out when I was younger. I would yell such a guy right out the door.
"I love your body" - ok, fine with me.
"I want to fuck you 20 more times" - easy, no offense taken.
But "I love you" after like what, 5 hours, none of which has been spent _talking_?
Boy, you might love my body, but you just as sure may hate my personality.

I dislike it when it is said without meaning. I hate it even more when it is said to make up for some bullshit the man did.

As for your definitions: Of course there are many sorts of love, but I daresay Hislittleone referred clearly to a one-to-one male Dom/fem sub relationship.

Kind regards
Arria

[Polaris]

I'm so with you on that, Arria. Nothing offends me more than men throwing an "I love you" at me after the obligatory "You eyes are as deep as the ocean or some such sappy phrase"...I mean, you've seen me once and annoyed me for 5 minutes, and now you love me? Please. I'm not an idiot.

As for the original question...I don't think it matters who says it first. My use of the L-word is a sparse one, I only say it when I absolutely mean it. When I absolutely mean it, though, it becomes necessary. From the three times I said I've said it first one time (and he laughed and said "you sure as hell don't mean it...wait *stops laughing* you do mean it? Me? Really? Oh gosh, I love you too -- we were together almost 8 years after that). I wanted to say it first the other time...it was on the tip of my tongue for like a week, but didn't really come out due to the circumstances of the whole affair...so it got morphed into "I feel so attracted to you" or "you sure are special to me" -- he finally broke the ice by saying it first. I remember there were many other words after that confession, he wouldn't let me fit in a "I love you too" anywhere...but he later told me that the moment he really realised that he loved me he had to tell me because it would have been like withholding something important from me.

So, I'd say if you truly love him, tell him. Love in itself doesn't come with conditions, so just because you feel like you feel he shouldn't feel pressured. Anyway, just my two cents!