(Here is what I believe to be a drastically improved version. I focused on your advice pertaining character actions in paragraphs where other characters are speaking, described how the characters speak, added much more description, edited words that were unnecessary, and added many hints of the back story that underlies Epithymia and Malus' relationship.

All in all, I consider it a vast improvement over the previous version, though we shall see if it withstands the firing squad.)




Queen Epithymia (Version Two)
By Razor7826
(Copyright Razor7826 2007. The events presented in this work are fictional and do not represent the views of the author in any way.)

"Guards, toss her in a cell with those rogues you captured last week," spake the stern voice of Queen Epithymia. She ran the nail of her right index finger underneath her bottom lip and smiled as she looked down at the shackled blonde girl.

The prisoner kneeled at the base of the steps leading up to the evil dictator's throne, where another slave girl lapped at her ruler's pussy, her head and body enveloped by the Queen's long purple dress.

Epithymia Stuprum laughed at the seditionist's pathetic attempts to garner sympathy, while barely responding to the oral sex she was receiving. She smiled and switched to a more playful tone, saying, "She needs to learn what it means to defy one's country. Make sure those vandals know they are here for life, regardless of what they do to her." She stood up and pushed the collared slave girl from underneath her dress, who gasped for air after being stuck licking the Queen's cunt all morning. Epithymia kicked the slave girl and spat on her, then turned back towards her guards and said, "Take this one too. She isn't any good, either," with disappointment lingering in her voice.

Through her sobs, the seditionist girl screamed in protest, her voice shrill with fear, obviously familiar with Epithymia's reputation for sadism. "It wasn't me! My sister was the one that slandered your good name, my Queen! Please, take her instead!" Her cries grew quieter and quieter as the Queen's guards dragged both prisoners towards the dungeon.

Epithymia sank back into her golden throne with renewed joy at the ease of ruining people's lives. She was starting to get wet as she thought about the horrors that would soon befall the young seditionist and useless slave girl.

Life as the queen of an empire was every bit as thrilling as she had hoped. In her four short years since seizing power, five surrounding nations had fallen, further fueling both her war machine and dark desires. Even now, in a time brief period of relative peace, there was still a fresh load of criminals to condemn. Furthermore, research on the Great Seal was finally making headway. The Queen was hot with anticipation toward seeing what was on the other side of the The Veil. She wondered terrible beings she would find there to help fulfill her goal of world domination.

Epithymia waved for the guards to bring in the next subject, making sure to show of her lithe figure as much possible for her guards to see. Every part of the Queen's attire and decor was selected to be as tantalizing as possible: her shiny purple dress, her stiletto heels, her crimson lipstick and nail polish, and, of course, her meticulously well kept golden curls which dangled and weaved past her shoulders. She found everything tantalizing, that is, save for her sapphire pendant.

The cruel monarch hated the blue tint of the invaluable gem that dangled between her tits, but the gaudy appearance was a small price to pay for mystical protection. She owed her success to the pendant and the wise old man that had constructed it for her. Despite the pendant's inability to mesh with her fashion sense, she had no doubt in her ability seduce any man. Ultimately, that was what mattered.

Epithymia inhaled and rubbed her chest with her hands, enjoying the warmth against her impossibly smooth skin. She derived great pleasure from watching the bulges in her guards' pants grow over her sultry mannerisms, even though she had no interest in consenting males. Her lust lied elsewhere, and the guards knew that; they did their jobs well, and the Queen repaid them handsomely with their pick from the vast dungeons beneath her castle, male or female.

The captain of the guard led an elderly man with long, unkempt gray hair and a slight hunchback into the throne room. Epithymia immediately recognized the bespectacled man as her court wizard and teacher, Sir Malus.

The Epithymian Empress rose to greet him, a sign of the peerless respect she gave him above all others. In fact, he was the only human being that she had any respect for, at all. She owed him more than she could express in words, and she never let him forget that. "Malus! I was just thinking about when you would bring news of your research." She dropped her normally seductive mannerisms while talking to Malus; his work was of the utmost importance, and she had no intention of toying with his mind.

The old wizard let out a laugh. "Ohoho, we've finally done it! Initial testing opened a small test portal from which we could extract various specimens, several of which look like they will be of great use against the Kolonese Army..." He paused and smiled at his friend before continuing. "... and the Kolonese people."

Epithymia responded in kind to his cruel plans, but pressed him for more, her voice speeding up in anticipation. "I don't care about the small portals right now; what about the summoning ritual?" Her voice started to waiver.

Malus smiled at her with a huge grin. "I'm certain it will work," he said, with arrogant pride at his intellect. "The maiden is already in the summoning chamber, awaiting the ceremony."

The Queen clapped her hands together and jumped with enthusiasm, betraying her young age. "You're damn right I would! Let's go- Kolon sent back another dead messenger yesterday, and I think they deserve a lesson." She grinned from the thrill that always accompanied imminent victory.

The wizard and his employer made their way to the central stairwell and descended the stairs. Deeper and deeper they went into the caverns beneath the Gothic castle, paying little attention to the screams that emanated from the various levels of Epithymia's dark prison.

Finally, nearly one hundred feet beneath the throne room, the duo encountered an iron door. Malus unlocked it with one of the many keys that jangled from his key ring, and they proceeded into the grand summoning chamber. The room was thirty feet tall and twice that in length, the walls and arched ceiling made of black stone, stained by the various rituals that had taken place there. In the middle of the dark chamber hung a young woman in a white dress. Her pale arms dangled above her head, chained to a tall marble pillar. Her torso was still clothed with the white corset she wore at her capture, but her once billowing gown was shredded, leaving her thin lace panties exposed. The chains were of the perfect length that she struggled to stand on the tips of her toes, helping to show of her slender legs and smooth thighs.

Epithymia immediately recognized the girl as her most prized prisoner, the virgin princess of a recently obliterated kingdom. She gave the King of Harmonia an ultimatum- offer his only daughter as a gift of peace, or watch his kingdom get destroyed before his eyes. He made the wrong decision, and now Epithymia had taken both the princess and the lives of every man, woman, and child of Harmonia.

Under any other circumstance, Epithymia would have defiled the princess herself. For once, however, she had to keep her desires under control. In addition to perfecting control of the Great Seal, the contract would require payment of a virgin of noble birth. Now, with both the knowledge and the pure maiden in her grasp, the power of that lied behind the veil would be hers.

The broken voice of the princess responded in fear to the presence of her captors. "Please... let me go. I... I need to tend to my father."

Epithymia laughed at virgin's demands, then turned back to her wizard and asked, "How do we begin? A chant? A sacrifice?"

Sir Malus smiled and answered her question. "Oh ho ho, the secret is in the runes that cover the room. Can you see them?," he said, with a glowing sense of pride.

The Queen squinted at the floor, and realized the detailed patterns that covered every inch. Her eyes followed their maze up the wall and onto the ceiling. Her jaw dropped as she realized the entire chamber was covered in the intricate runes. "How long did this take you?"

Sir Malus laughed. "Once we figured out the requisite pattern, it was easy. Those artists and playwrights that you imprisoned six months ago turned out to be extremely efficient workers, once they realized it would give break from their duties." He chuckled as he mocked the lives of abuse they were forced to live. "I also promised that they would get a few months of solitude for finishing the job early; I hope you don't mind my exceeding authority."

Epithymia was too enthralled with the intricate pattern to care. She said, "Give them whatever they want if this actually works," her voice trailing off as she continued to trace the patterns with her blue eyes. "Except their freedom, of course."

Malus smiled at his mistress' attention to detail. "All we need now is a drop of the maiden's blood, anywhere within the runes. It is a test of sort, to see if she is a worthy sacrifice." He turned and eyed the helpless girl, then looked back at his mistress. "Shall we get things started?" Malus walked over to a small table in the corner and returned with a long leather whip.

Epithymia smiled at the weapon and said "Nice choice." She grabbed it from his hand and walked towards the sacrifice.

Realizing that the end was near, the Princess started to scream and beg for her life. "No! Get away from me! Daddy will kill you when he finds out what you did to me." Her helplessness turned Epithymia on.

The Queen liked watching the princess struggle with futility. "Oh my, little princess, so eager to escape? You're so cute when you struggle." She licked her lips seductively at the captive. She walked over to the bound girl and caressed her thighs with the limp whip. The captive twitched as the whip rubbed against her sensitive skin. "Haha, you really are a virgin, aren't you? You can't deal with the slightest touch without twitching in pleasure." Epithymia chuckled. "I feel kind of bad that you're going to die a virgin." She slid the whip up to the girl's white lace panties, and pressed it against her cunt lips, making sure to not steal her virginity.

The princess responded with heavy panting.

Epithymia gently smiled, and spoke with an air of pity, "There's an entire world of pleasure, far greater than this, that you'll never experience." The girl continued to cry, fueling her desire. She reached down the Princesses' white corset with her free hand and pinched the prisoner's right nipple. "I wonder, what made you save yourself for your marriage? Why have you squandered your time in this world?"

The princess stammered out "I... I... dun-" before silencing herself with a gulp. She was shaking against The Queen's touch.

Epithymia leaned over and kissed the captive Princess, who was shocked by the sudden move. She slipped her tongue into the virgin's mouth and swirled it around, savoring her gasps of shock. To make the experience ever the more interesting, she pinched the Princesses nose, forcing the girl to gasp for air, sucking on the intruding tongue.

When the girl had clearly had enough, Epithymia broke her suctioning kiss and grinned her perfect smile as her captive sucked in giant gasps of air. The trail of saliva between their mouths hung in the air for a brief moment, then collapsed to each of their chins. "Goodbye, my princess. Oh, and your father's dead, as are all your subjects. You won't be missed." She turned around, took four paces, then reared her arm back and made a quick snap with the whip. The tail lashed at her thigh and sent specks of blood splattering to the floor.

Princess Harmony let loose a shrill scream that echoed throughout the summoning chamber, unaware of the transformation that was taking place around her.

The runes lit up when the blood hit the floor. Queen Epithymia stood in awe as a giant circle on the wall behind the pillar shimmered, then disappeared in a flash of light. On the other side of the portal was a foreign world with red skies and ashen ground. From the horizon, a monster approached. Epithymia immediately recognized the creature as the beast shown in the scriptures. It had a lion's head with black fur, translucent gray tentacles for limbs, and a transparent crystalline torso tinted red.. It slithered it's way across the alien terrain until it reached the portal. It slipped its tendrils and head through the portal and into The Queen's castle.

The terrifying monster looked from side to side, then growled at the woman it believed to be responsible for his summon. It spoke in a deep and steady voice, far from how Epithymia imagined a twelve-thousand year old beast would sound. "Did you summon me, human? I do not like it when I am stirred from my slumber for trivial reasons."

The Queen paused for a moment and listened to the slurping noise of the slimy tentacles against themselves. She spoke to the monster with perfect reverence and respect, "Yes, oh Great One, I have. I offer you this maiden, a virgin princess of noble blood, for you to devour." Epithymia was happier than she had ever been in her entire life, on the verge of enlisting the powerful ally that would finally let her conquer the known world.

The chimerical monster laughed, his boisterous and phlegmatic glee spilling across the room. "Is that what you humans think I require for women for? A simple meal? Bwahahahahaha! No, I use them as my power source!" It swung four tentacles towards the princess, who was terrified into silence. It caressed her body with its tentacles before speaking again. "This maiden will make a great living core. As long as she remains alive inside of me, and as long as I am able to feast on the remains of your enemies, I will lend you my power." It now crawled further into the castle and leaned towards Epithymia, the lion head less than a foot from The Queen's. "Now, think. Will sacrifice countless lives in exchange for my power? The contract will last until you, I, or the maiden are dead."

Queen Epithymia had no need for further thought. She had long ago decided she would conquer and enslave the world, no matter the cost. "Yes, I agree to those terms," she said without any clear emotion, hiding her overwhelming glee.

The monster purred, "Thank you, my Lord." The tentacled fiend tore through the chains binding the princess as if they were nothing. Its crystalline torso opened up, revealing a hollow cavity. It grabbed a hold of the virgin's waist and threw her inside.

Finally unbound, the princess stumbled around the glass-like chamber, pounding on the walls, trying to escape. The girl was obviously screaming, but The Queen heard nothing, the monster's stomach squelching all sound.

Tentacles spilled from the organic interface between the monster's skin and shell. They grabbed the sacrificial virgin and hoisted her into the air. They slithered across her body and underneath her clothes, bursting the corset and panties off of her skin, leaving her naked and prone. The tendrils multiplied and grew, until they encircled her arms and wrists and held her spread eagle in the middle of the crystalline chamber and caressed her body.

Epithymia began to play with herself as the scene in front of her played out, using both of her hands to rub and explore her genitals, further fueled by fresh fantasies of what she could do with the newfound power. She knew that tonight would be a glorious night, and that the princess of Harmonia would be only the first of many to bow before her this evening.

Without ceremony or warning, the monster speared the smooth tentacles into his captive's mouth, anus, and vagina. The monster let slip a satisfied sigh as the tentacles pulsed, over and over, clear fluids sucking through the translucent tentacles from inside the deflowered princess. The expression on the princess' face changed from unimaginable fear to unending shock. The tentacles continued their ravishment, the prey barely writhing inside her living bondage.

Exhausted, Epithymia fell backwards onto the cold stone floor and took a moments rest, savoring both the physical and emotional pleasure of her triumph.

From the perimeter, Sir Malus watched in quiet satisfaction as his mistress' moans echoed throughout the chamber, his plans and fantasies finally coming to fruition alongside his former assistant. He looked at her in the same way a father gazed at his daughter on her wedding day, full of pride and struck with awe at the potential the future held.

The empress sat up after a few minutes' rest to see the monster's assault had slowed down, though it still sucked fluids from inside the princess. Once again, it leaned towards its new master and spoke, now calm, as if ravishing the princess quenched some long-time thirst. "I have regained my strength, my Lord. What is my task?"

Queen Epithymia, ruler of the Epithymian Empire, smiled in sadistic glee and childish anticipation, "To the Kingdom of Kolon. They've been expecting me," condemning each and every one of the Kolonian citizens to a life of slavery or death.

"Come, my Lord. I can carry you into battle." It offered her a cupped bowl of tentacles in which to sit. She took the offer, and the trio of Queen, monster, and slave bounded off to battle and inevitable victory.