Lupus in Media or:

How to Talk Dirty, Aggravate People and Get to Wear Collar in Public


By Wolffie
2005+ (c) by Wolfwerks


Some time ago.... Ahem some years ago .... ok, ok, MANY years ago (happy now?)... I used to be occasional guest on local radio stations (even small "Art" TV station) to run my mouth off on 'fantastic" art or music. That still happens but not too often. The incident described did not help ... and calling well know local critic "accomplished cocksucker and whore to producers" in another show helped even less...

I was invited in late late radio show (average audience 5 to 7) on talk show with a topic: "New morality in art and media" or something silly like that. Guests: Yours truly - expert on Fantastic (also a friend of host); moderately known movie critic, and a star - young priest. Not bearded, making himself popular with lectures, claimed to be "rock priest" (what an insult to decent music!), supposedly very liberal. (His liberal views ended with listening to Queen - and he even knew WHAT Freddie was. Wow..) Also publicity hungry - priests do not usually appear on TV/radio shows starting at 00:05. Midnight. (It was a time when church was in eclipse so the bugger had to work for it.)

Studio was near my place in old part of town and occupied HALF of one floor - SMALL! Sound studio could barely take the four of us.

It was a slow start - very relaxed.. The host tried some provocative subjects but nothing happened. (The critics was an old fox and didn't care anyway, neither did I at first- I consider such talk mostly hot air anyway.)

However it soon turned out that: a) the priest had strong, definitive opinions on everything, b) he was a kind of person starts sentences with: "I have nothing against THAT but.... " then you find out he has EVERYTHING against it.

He began to really piss me off. You know how some people just get to your nerves? Well, he was prime example.... Also, he mentioned too often: "Youth of today should this and NOT do that, blah blah " I hate that.

It got really heated. Him and me; the critic started to enjoy himself and was just was looking for things to goad us even more. Sly old fox.

The host kept saying "Now, now, gentleman, let's be civil..." but keeping an very interested eye at the lightened board for incoming calls and technician showing thumbs up. The night editor showed up too and started sawing the edge of the palm across the throat - and he could've just pulled the plug. So it went on: the youth-spoiling articles in teen magazines, nefarious music, 'bad' movies, absurd and immoral fashion etc.

Now, I do not rise to bait THAT easily (these days I would not spend three brain cells on that guy - but, I had more brain cell then!). I even went under the belt, with utterances like: "Oh the youth's minds? I am glad to hear that you are interested in their MINDS, as well." Since the guests could choose the music I insisted on numbers like Floyd's "Leave the Kids Alone" and, yes, "Walk on the Wild Side" by you know who.

Somewhere after two o'clock we hit on subject of kid's clothes (kids = teens). It was time of some kind of post punk revival (no Goths yet, I think). You can imagine. The critic connected the erotic story entitled "Collar" in local slick magazine and the kids wearing collars on streets. (The story was ordinary vanilla hit-and-run. Heroine is all a-shiver about The Story of O, narrates it to a boyfriend, he gets her a choker, she puts it on, he gets hard, they fuck in most ordinary manner and ride into sunset. Crap!) Ah, but the critic added something like: "Do you know those are real dog collars and they have SPECIAL meaning?" He was just sprinkling oil on fire. He succeeded. The black robed guy started foaming and fuming. At that time I did not attribute TOO MUCH meaning on collars - but he blew my cool completely.

I got up, went to the back room where I left my dog The dog was big black Labrador with white chest called Riki. I adored him - I still do. So I took the mutt to the front of the studio, in front of the glass partition, where a small crowd had gathered - I wanted them to SEE. I took Riki's collar, readjusted it and - put it on.

I went back in the soundproof room and sat down. The priest got up, moved his chair away from me as much as he could in the cramped room, muttering something about 'Outrageous, brimstone, blasphemous.'. He wasn't collared (the priest, I mean) but he got the message - part of it. I said something like; "Riki does me the honor of wearing my collar and being most faithful friend. I want to honor him by wearing HIS collar... ". I felt surprisingly cool, relaxed and light headed.

The show was soon over. It was to last up to 2:30 AM anyway so the night editor 'politely' called it quits.

I went home - wearing collar. I was very pissed AND I like to aggravate people from time to time. My wife was asleep (and pissed off later - when she found out what fun she missed. I was even more pissed because she was supposed to tape it and she just fell asleep even before it started.) I just flopped on the bed and went to sleep (OK. so I had a drink or two). In the morning - she awoke me verrry nicely.

Collars do that, you know.

Aftermath: I got a ton of messages and calls. Generally by people who didn't even hear it (oh, but the studio tape got around).

However, several days later we were going to a party and she suggested I wear the collar. So I did. Next time I suggested SHE wear it. She did - several times and NOT always in public. (OK - it was quite a number of times!)

THEN Riki got really nervous whenever we took his collar off (he was clean, you know, and I'm NOT too finicky and neither was she). But the dog started looking at me with: "Could you please leave my collar alone - make your mind awready. WHO is wearing it?"


Finally, from the children's store she got some plastic stiff belts and made two collars - pink and blue. (I swear!)

(I still have Riki's and the plastic one. But THAT is another story.)

END

I suppose I should add something about the collars. Yes it does change things. Snug, protecting and exposing at the same time. At first I had no feeling of ownership (one way or another), and I will not comment on that here. After all you either understand the power of the collar, or you don't.

In that studio I was just thinking how to aggravate and irritate the guy and make a point - nothing else. Actually I wasn't thinking at all. ...


After-aftermath: some years latter in that priest's parish (yes, he got one) certain significant sum of money went 'missing' - so much for morality.