ok need help

[Barton]

Ruby seems to have covered things quite well. You are the top so it is up to you to decide what you want out of your submissive. With my slave I use both the "whips and chains" aspect as well as the mental one. I would set up a few ground rules for his behavior, keep them few and keep them simple.

Write them down. The idea of doing a BDSM questionaire is also a good way to find out what both of you like and do not like.

Most of all, remember that a BDSM relationship is not a static one. You both will need to communicate what you want out of it. And most of all be willing to adjust things as you find you need to.

I know that this is a spot for "questions for a mistriss" but many aspects of a BDSM relationship are shared by both a mistriss and a master.

[Lavender]

see the thing is i dont want to be in an bdsm relationship i just want an normal one but if i have to do this stuff then i have to, i just want to know how i can enjoy it as well

[TheThinMan]

see the thing is i dont want to be in an bdsm relationship i just want an normal one but if i have to do this stuff then i have to, i just want to know how i can enjoy it as well

If that's the only attitude with which you approach topping, I'd suggest explaining to your boyfriend that you simply aren't cut out for it. The entire point of a Domme is that she is the one in control. She sets the scene. She gives the orders and makes sure that those orders are obeyed. In the fantasy, when she grants others their fantasies, it's a coincidence or an uncharacteristic show of extreme generosity.

It sounds like you already have a pretty decent idea of what your boyfriend wants, but the question is "What do you want?" Ponder that long and hard, and don't get stuck in the rut of chains, whips, and leather. Anything goes. If having another person as a pet, slave, servant, or plaything figures nowhere into your fantasies, it's time to just concede that topping isn't for you.

[Lavender]

If that's the only attitude with which you approach topping, I'd suggest explaining to your boyfriend that you simply aren't cut out for it. The entire point of a Domme is that she is the one in control. She sets the scene. She gives the orders and makes sure that those orders are obeyed. In the fantasy, when she grants others their fantasies, it's a coincidence or an uncharacteristic show of extreme generosity.

It sounds like you already have a pretty decent idea of what your boyfriend wants, but the question is "What do you want?" Ponder that long and hard, and don't get stuck in the rut of chains, whips, and leather. Anything goes. If having another person as a pet, slave, servant, or plaything figures nowhere into your fantasies, it's time to just concede that topping isn't for you.

thanks for that ive tried expaling this to many of times but he seams in way to be inoring what i say i try to accomadate his feelings though, thanks for your post