how about a serious discussion (sometime when youre not about to have sex) saying something like:

"i dont LIKE it when you're this nice to me. it makes me feel like you're weak. i want a strong Man to take me and use me for his pleasure and if it hurts some without really harming me then so much the better. i dont want you to care about that. just take me.
you're making me unhappy with this. you're losing me and i dont want you to lose me.. but it's going to happen unless you take what you want and find a way to keep it. "

beyond all the reasoning people like to put on this whole BDSM thing i think alot of it is pretty much cave man stuff, just gone underground for the sake of manners and popping up in some people's lives and bedrooms later on. perhaps he needs clearer permission to let that side of himself out. society has trained him to think that being a good man is to be gentle and kind, treat you as an equal, and be caring of every little part of you, to reign in and supress the rough, animal, possessive side of himself... and thats what he's trying to do. which is good in a way- it show's he's well adjusted, and cares for you and is doing what he knows to do to be a 'good person' within his understanding of the phrase.

it's a matter of helping him to learn that being a good person and taking care of you is not this being a push over thing. thats obviously not the way to take care of you and be kind to you.. because you arent happy and fulfilled this way. it's hard to make the leap to understanding that how you want him to be doesnt mean he is no longer a good person. its redefining what being a good man is and that may be very hard for him.

you're just a slightly different creature than he thought and you need to be handled according to your nature, not according to his previous habits. he wants to care for you.. thats great. now he needs to care for you appropriately or it's not actually care.