Quote Originally Posted by elliemay View Post
Talk, ask, read, talk, talk, talk Ok you get the picture.

Honesty is key to it in my opinion, slow and simple starts which require patience, my experience is as a sub introducing a male Dom who was vanilla mostly.

Make it clear from the start that mistakes will happen and if something goes wrong you are not going to scream the house down, blame them for hurt or anything like that. One of the worrys that I have come across is the not knowing what to do, or what if I hurt you. Have a safe word, put safeguards in place and enjoy.
I can definitely agree with this quote. Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy, D/s OR vanilla.

I have personally "guided" two Dom's since I've started in the lifestyle. Let me clear that up a bit, though...

I wasn't topping from the bottom. I was merely saying "Read this. Check this out. Still interested? Good! Try this site, and this book..." You get the idea, right? Then when it came time to practice, I made the mistake of, the first time, not giving Him input as to what I wanted out of the relationship. Obviously, He knew I wanted the Dominance from Him, but beyond that, I didn't elaborate. That relationship failed miserably. I learned from my mistakes and tried again.

This time was with a man who had very dominate traits already. He had never heard of the lifestyle, but the moment I mentioned it to Him, He was drilling me with questions left and right. And the good little sub that I am <EG> answered all of His questions to the best of my ability, and what I couldn't answer I looked up. But this time, when it came down to it, I gave Him input. I told Him what kind of structure I was looking for, and He told me what kind of control He wanted. He pushed my limits and I loved and admired Him all the more for it, because of the willingness He created in me. And everything seemed to come so easily for Him. He didn't seem to ahve to try to fight all the years of His upbringing that had ingrained that everything HE was about to do was abuse. Everything went great, until His ex came calling again... But that's another story.

But now, I am stuck...

I have once again gotten involved with a vanilla man. But he is a bit harder to "convert to the dark side" as I call it. I plan on spending the rest of my life with this man, vanilla or not. We've discussed the topic many many times, and each time I'm hoping that I've gotten somewhere... He does understand that this is something that is very important to me. He knows I like the pain, but I can live without it as long as I can submit. Recently, he's been more -commanding- but I'm not sure if He's doing it on purpose or if it could be maybe a subconscious reaction to my more submissiveness?

Can that happen? Without having any want (from what i've been told) to completely control and own a woman, could a man's subconscious or even instinct tell him to take control when she is giving so much up? With out his first realizing it?

Nothing else has worked with him... Maybe I'm just not explaining things the way that the others understood, or maybe he just doesn't want any part of the lifestyle (it makes him almost ill to see me in pain, whether he knows I enjoy it or not... he will NOT flog/whip/paddle/anythingelse) or maybe he's just not ready to assume the dominant role in his head? If so... gah, I'm confused... I could use some advice from both sides of the fence here, please!!