Inner Conflict

[TomOfSweden]

I have looked over this thread now several times as i´m currently stuck in another conflict myself which I still have to sort out.
I´m kind of a controll freak, always trying to be on the safe side, backing away from everything risky and by this even blockig myself.
I´m torn between my longing to give up control, to feel, to quit thinking and give myself to a man, and my urge to protect myself.
I do this by controlling everything, planning everything.
To the outside this gives me the air of cool selfconfidence that i only wear for others to see. On the inside its more a denial of my feelings to keep myself from beeing hurt.
So my conflict is not between beeing dominant and beeing submissive at the same time on different levels, but between my selfprotection and my wish to totally open up towards someone...giving control to him, showing him my whole self and thus making myself vulnerable

bye
deigja

You've already figured out what your problem is. That's the big, (huuuge) step. Now is the easy part. Deciding how you're going to proceed. You don't have to chose. I've known several people who have both a master and a slave.

Experiment. You don't have to put your whole heart into something. You're bum can be good enough.

[deigja]

[QUOTE=Experiment. You don't have to put your whole heart into something. You're bum can be good enough.[/QUOTE]

It´s not that easy for me as I wish to just one time put my whole heart into it....I have kept it out of it to often already.
But thanx none the less och hälsningar til sverige ;-)