Echoes. I have met a vanilla girlfriend that I am slowly introducing to our lifestyle. This means that I have tied her up and I have spanked and some toys her but nothing rough or something that would perhaps scare her yet. I am working real hard on building all the trust needed for that.
She needs me to take it slow cause she was very new to everything when I first met her so any introductions to BDSM has to come slow and carefully.
I care way too much for her to scare her off by being too harsh or too fast moving.
In vanilla relationships it is not like the first time people meet they go off and beat or hit or hurt the partner they want to be with... same goes for this.
I think that with care and slow steps you would have a completely different feeling towards him and everything.
This was HIS loss and nothing else. You were not to blame. He screwed up imho.

Again. I hope you get back on your feet fast and wish you the very best.
for good luck