First steps

[Logic1]

Echoes. I have met a vanilla girlfriend that I am slowly introducing to our lifestyle. This means that I have tied her up and I have spanked and some toys her but nothing rough or something that would perhaps scare her yet. I am working real hard on building all the trust needed for that.
She needs me to take it slow cause she was very new to everything when I first met her so any introductions to BDSM has to come slow and carefully.
I care way too much for her to scare her off by being too harsh or too fast moving.
In vanilla relationships it is not like the first time people meet they go off and beat or hit or hurt the partner they want to be with... same goes for this.
I think that with care and slow steps you would have a completely different feeling towards him and everything.
This was HIS loss and nothing else. You were not to blame. He screwed up imho.

Again. I hope you get back on your feet fast and wish you the very best.
for good luck

[jeanne]

I'm with Logic on this. Not all experienced doms will move you up to their "level" quickly. IMHO, if they are interested in having you stick around for a while they'll take it slowly. There's plenty of time in a developing relationship to introduce new things gradually, to take it easy. And let me tell you - realizing that He's taking it one step at a time with me and is, to some degree, passing up immediate maximum pleasure for Himself in order to avoid "freaking me out" - well, that's hot. Because I KNOW that when He decides I'm ready to go farther it's going to be more than I can even conceive of, given that where we are now is amazingly wonderful.

I do have one question - if you have a community of kinky people nearby, why not go to a munch once in a while? Give yourself a chance to meet someone in a situation where you can use all your senses and instincts to help you judge if they might be right for you...body language, tone of voice, interactions with others can tell you a lot about a person. Much more than simply the written word.

[Echoes]

I'm with Logic on this. Not all experienced doms will move you up to their "level" quickly. IMHO, if they are interested in having you stick around for a while they'll take it slowly. There's plenty of time in a developing relationship to introduce new things gradually, to take it easy. And let me tell you - realizing that He's taking it one step at a time with me and is, to some degree, passing up immediate maximum pleasure for Himself in order to avoid "freaking me out" - well, that's hot. Because I KNOW that when He decides I'm ready to go farther it's going to be more than I can even conceive of, given that where we are now is amazingly wonderful.

I do have one question - if you have a community of kinky people nearby, why not go to a munch once in a while? Give yourself a chance to meet someone in a situation where you can use all your senses and instincts to help you judge if they might be right for you...body language, tone of voice, interactions with others can tell you a lot about a person. Much more than simply the written word.

Just moved here jeanne, and I haven't made any friends yet, not being used to big city ways at all. I don't even know if there are munches or how to find them here and to be honest, I also don't think I would be brave enough to go to one.This might change in time.

I will be back on my feet, the most disconcerting feeling was one of feeling completely lost, this is slowly appeasing and my sense of humor is returning, so it will all be fine, I knew this deep down at the beginning, and knew it would only be a matter of allowing yourself to go through some form of grieving, I just didnt know what to expect or how this would be.

Thanks to everyone for making it much easier although darn it~! I find it is really hard to be tough nailed and dry faced when people are being nice or gentle. again

[Echoes]

I made a very huge mistake but instead of asking any moderators to delete this thread, let it stay as a constant reminder to myself of the mistake I made.

I publicly apologize to everyone here and to the one I have affronted in this post for this was taken too far. I think I understand now what jeanne, Ozme and tessa meant by finding a confidant to talk to…to not unfold it all here and this is just what I did.
He…this dominant might or might not have made some mistakes, he might have been new BUT I judged him and ran his name down.
No excuses, no reasons acceptable.
This sort of behavior from me is completely unacceptable.
And yes, it is so very easy to apologize and move on, it is a lot harder to forgive oneself once the mistake is realized.
I wish everyone well.
echoes