J-Go and I are a definite 2 with strong leanings towards 1. We're not married yet, but I can't imagine us not being together.

So many of the comments in this thread have touched upon "communication" as the foundation of a good relationship. The Lifestyle seems, to me at least, to be a very specific way of communicating and understanding. It is it's own language, in a way -- no better or worse than any other way, or any vanilla way, just a particular dialect that suits some of us to speak. The offering of one's submission and the responsibility taken on in accepting a sub/slave are deep commitments, both in the realm of another's emotional and physical safety. The giving and accepting of love is manifested in a very upfront and obvious way in a BDSM relationship -- we don't just say "I love you" or "I'm yours," we give these words physical form in the actions of kneeling before our Sirs, wearing the collars of our Masters, or cradling our subs after a session.

Just as a person would speak French or English to communicate their words, I use the Lifestyle as a way to communicate my feelings and my love. And, just like a native French or English speaker, it helps to have someone on the other end that's not chattering on in proverbial Portuguese.

For some, this communication may be found and expressed in a different fashion; for example couples that work together or pursue a similar a religious path. The levels are many and varied and I think the trick is not what method you use to communicate, but finding a partner who listens on that same frequency of understanding and then to have that communicaton continue on as often and as openly as possible.