This is what negotiating is all about. Yoou each state what each of you expects from the other. There are liable to be some points that you see perfectly eye-to-eye on and some that you see completely opposite.

Eventually, you will learn to set limits. You might think some things sound a bit extreme, gross or excessive, but they don't completely lack appeal to you and those you would call your soft limits. On the other hand, other things might just be completely repulsive to you and you absolutely would not do them under any circumstances, even at the cost of the relationship and those would be your hard limits.

The difference is that soft limits are meant to be pushed, prodded and eventually broken. Hard limits are not. Hard limits are pretty absolute and only you can decide that something that you see as a hard limit might actually be worth trying. Your partner cannot decide that for you.

Many thing, as you grow and learn in this lifestyle, will change your perspective. There might be many things that you think are gross, too painful, too extreme or just way out there today that you will love doing and practice with excessive joy a year down the road. The important thing is to keep an open mind and to negotiate your limits and activities frequently, as your tastes for things will change. Everyone's do.



Originally posted by InnerTemptress
anyone have any suggestions on how to communicate these ideas either before an agreement between Dominant and submissive is made and also during a scene.