OK I picked up on some or the same problems

1)Unless we’re talking a gay transvestite couple she’s his wife

2) You describe a scantily clad woman (with lots of makeup) then throw in by the looks of her attire and the tonnage of merchandise she wore, it was obvious that she was wealthy. I’m left wondering where the tonnage comes in.

3) I hated women like her, always putting the horse before the carriage, but her off(er) was just too damn large.

4) During the era of the World Wars, (he) was the most respected and feared man in town.That time frame covers a lot of years, it might be better just to list the decades.

5) they remained in their position, un-struggling, their legs taped together in unison. I’m not sure un-struggling is a word but in this context it and unison both just seems a little awkward.

6) This is a personnel glitch Lews has (he was raised in the wild by Jesuits you know) the difference between kneeled and knelt. He kneeled (knelt) down next to the women and said something inaudible to the top one, then took his place between their legs. I really think knelt sounds better.

7) using and abusing their newest prey, each night targeting a new victim. As pointed out previously some victims had to hang about for days just to make the plot stick together. The sentence itself seems a little redundant with newest prey and new victim separated by four words.

8) Wednesday night was the daughter of a local politician. The blonde woman screamed for her daddy all night long, but I didn't think she would ever see him again.
OK problem here is you reintroduce blonde which was once an important part of the story but isn’t here. You can confuse a reader with too many unnecessary details; the ‘terrified/ hysterical/ sobbing (pick one)’ woman, would work just as well without giving the reader a reason to pause.

9) She still wore too much blush and mascara than I preferred. Mayhap more, but not too much.

10) I resented that- those were glances, not stares. I was also concerned that the patients waiting to see the pediatrician next door would her accusations.

Yeah I know – is supposed to be legal punctuation but use it sparingly and for a specific effect. You also seem to have dropped a Hear at the end.

As to the story itself it works. The plot seems believable and the characters all do their parts. For a somewhat more satisfying plot you might consider ways in which the PI manages to land the lady in question in the “Final” predicament from which she doesn’t escape. Just put him on a payphone giving an anonymous tip to the Husband as to what the scheming wife is up to. I think that kind of plot ploy might give the reader a bit more satisfaction and make your PI a bigger player in the scheme of things.

Yours

Mad Lews