Well, well...it appears we have a humorist in our little group of students. I must say, I found this to be quite well done. For a change, I am hard pressed to find fault in the execution of a newbie story. In fact, Muse hit all of the minor changes I would have commented on and I am not certain I would have commented on them, so well executed was this piece. Strangely, I do disagree with Muse on one part:

She turned back to the phone. “Yes, we are (using the contraction "we're" might seem more natural here) both still here.”

I can fully see the more formal form being used in such a situation. Otherwise, I completely agree with Muse's assessment and look forward to attempting to find fault with your future writings.

Crap - I wasn't even able to be mean once!