Seems to be a continuing challenge for people just coming to the lifestyle and learning what works and how and why. I think one of the keys words to remember is "pervasive." A dominant person's personality is pervasive, it often affects all that they do, how they think, and behave in situations. This sounds simple, but for people new to letting their dominant or submissive selves show, it's not so simple at all. Are you a dominant, yet waffle when it comes to making decisions? Even if it's what to order from a menu? Then you need to connect to the part of yourself that is forthright and committed (even if it seems a bit strange at first). First control yourself, Dom you! Then you can learn to extend it properly to others. The same with submissiveness. Are you used to being a control freak about everything? Start giving up responsibility and control over your decisions to your dominant. Test the waters. Does it start feeling "right"? Are you benefitting from it? Sure, there will be little flare-ups and challenges along the way, just work through them instead of giving up. Strong, honest, open communication -- as everyone says -- is the best key to locking and unlocking the chastity belt of your Dom/sub self.