First of all welcome to the forums Sonja. Something a lot of us learn during the beginning of our BDSM journey is that the BDSM community is just as full of jerks as the vanilla community. Now I don't know all the specifics so I won't label this man as a jerk, but your reply seems warranted. I wouldn't worry about what is 'done' in the d/s scene either. What is done is what you want to do. Each d/s relationship is different and made up of what the people involved want it to be made up of. End of story. There's no right way to do it. After telling you to open yourself up the way he did, he should have taken responsibility for those feelings and it looks like he's back-pedaling now. His collar is a symbol and nothing else. If the feelings behind the symbol have died then you simply give it back to him. I know I make it sound easy and it isn't, but that's the bottom line. You will find friends here if you look for them and you may count me among them. If you would like to chat or just vent in a pm feel free. I may be a stranger, but I've seen your situation many times. Good luck to you.