It should be noted, Whippett, that I am not known for being friendly, cuddly or remotely thoughtful of any author's feelings. You will see, as you go through the levels, that I am entirely harsh, brutal, cruel and unpleasant. However, I am gonna be nice, for a change. That means, I will let the grammar Nazis do their thing and only make a couple of minor points.

"Bugger it! Now what!" thought Harald, walking to the window, peering down to the street far below as a squad car pulled up in front of the building. He shrugged, turned back to his six guests, seated at ease around the room, though still eyeing each other somewhat distrustfully. He shook himself mentally, this weekend was not going according to Hoyle, and he was not in the least amused.

Wow, looks like you really fell in love with commas, don't like periods and aren't overly happy with...
<singing> Conjunction Junction, what's your function?
Hooking up two boxcars and making 'em run right.
Milk and honey, bread and butter, peas and rice.
Hey that's nice!
Dirty but happy, digging and scratching,
Losing your shoe and a button or two.
He's poor but honest, sad but true,
Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Harald sat, then reached for the little silver bell as the security buzzer from the lobby sounded. He rang the bell, and gestured to the young woman who entered the room and fell into a deep curtsey in answer to see to the buzzer. The men watched her lithe, naked, leggy dancer's form with open lust. "Time to separate the sheep from the goats." he thought, hoping the sound of his private elevator meant what he thought it did. He chuckled mentally, thinking of the shearing that was to come, eyeing the six in speculation. "Well, gentlemen, shall we get down to business?" he said. "As you are aware, I have stringent methods to determine your fitness for what you seek."

When you use a conjunction to connect two ideas you can do without commas, unless it is an aside. I know someone here will explain it better than I.

Also, when someone speaks it goes sorta like this:
"Get your tongue outa my mouth," she complained to the man inhaling her tonsils.

Please note that there is a comma at the end of the spoken or thought words. It is followed by the end-quote and then the "she said".

I will get to hammering on style points when you move further up in Block Ladder. Hell, I might even kick the ladder out. I am that mean. Heh - I said "might". That is such a lie. I will kick it out.

Hmm, where is my nail gun?