Dear Whippett,
We shall pray that it melts in your mouth, not in your hand....
While you might feel it a clever ploy to trash talk chocolate in hopes of distracting our lovely muse, I fear you are sadly mistaken. I'm sure the Dragons Muse's ire will be roused and should she approach your opus before her morning coffee I fear for your ego. Try to take it all with that infamous stiff upper lip, I'm sure it will be at least as instructive as it is vindictive.
Your second draft holds some improvement IMHO, but it is the Dragon's muse whose verdict really counts.
Best of luck good sir,
Mad