Great. Now what the hell does that mean exactly? Well to me being a dominant is a lot like being a father. My submissives mean the world to me and I try my best to treat each like the precious jewel she is. I sometimes spoil them, sometimes offer them guidance, and sometimes I have to discipline them. Unlike children however, my submissives actually want that discipline.

Now to specifics. As a new dom the best thing you can do with your potential submissive is talk. Talk, talk, talk. Get to know her/him. Find out not just what she/he likes shoved up her/his ass, but what she/he likes for dinner. Find out if you're compatible as friends before you find out if you both have a fondness for golden showers. It's been my experience that no matter how compatible you are in a BDSM sense, it won't hold the relationship together if you aren't compatible as friends.

If you do find that you are compatible as friends then you can move on to the BDSM stuff. Here's where those ever-popular lists come into play. They are a good reference tool but after you've had your sub fill out the list, try not to refer to it obviously while you play. It's too impersonal. "Yes I see you like ass play and choking. Good. We'll start with the choking and move on to..." See what I mean? Refer to the list in private before the scene if you need to. The best thing to do is to read the thing and get a general feel for it. Find out the absolute no-no's and the absolute yes-yes's and keep the rest in the back of your brain for reference. Now that you know his/her limits and have your power you also now have...

...Responsibility. You're now in charge. Yep it's all on you. Every decision is made final by your word and yours alone. Feel the pressure yet? You should. Your submissive is placing a world of trust in you and you have to come through for her/him every time. It's mostly a fun thing or we wouldn't do it, but if she bursts into tears after a scene or if he starts to shake after you finally let him cum you better be there to provide comfort. Real comfort too. Not the "I hope she quits soon because I want to watch the game." kind of comfort. She/he was there with you body and soul for the scene and you need to be there body and soul for the aftercare.

Confidence, confidence, confidence. One of the biggest complaints I hear is roughly this, "I love my guy, and he tries, but I find myself topping from the bottom too much." Remember that you've had discussions, lists, and probably positive results from controlling your sub. So do it. Control her/him when it's time for fun. Don't confuse confidence with arrogance, but take the control that's been offered to you. Remove phrases like, "Is this okay?" and "If it's all right with you..." from your vocabulary because the answer is yes. Yes it's okay and yes it's all right; you know that from what you've talked about before. So go to it and have fun.

More later.