BDSM is an ersatz experience so yes, it is sugarcoated. Take out SSC and consent and you have the real thing but you are less likely to get the real thing in the life style than outside it. BDSMers are more cautious about sex and kink in general than people who don't see themselves as being into kink.
Don't you think this is because people who are in the lifestyle are more knowledgable than those who do not see themselves as kinky? From what I can see people in the lifestyle read and understand the risks so that play is safe. There is nothing wrong with that.


My first experience with BDSM was without any knowledge of BDSM or its language and conventions and it was what my partner at the time called high wire sex. I doubt I will ever experience something so intense again because now I'm too knowledgeable and aware. Though we are not partners anymore, I do revisit the scene of the crimes with this old partner and though we don't get to the dizzy heights of before, we do get a more intense experience than with other partners. I guess the sugarcoating has softened the taste.
Your phrase of "scene of the crimes" is very interesting. Why do you call them crimes? We call them play. If you were really into the lifestyle you don't call them crimes, you call them play. Which is how it is suppose to be.

My biggest disappointment with the BDSM life style is how tame and polite it is. I think one of the problems is the over intellectualisation of what is basically an instinctive and intuitive act.
LOL Polite yes...I have met the most polite people through this lifestyle. Tame...not the Doms I have dealt with. Daddy and Sir, I would never call tame. Damn they would probably tan my hide for such a statement.

As for D/s relationships because of the market, subs being much less numerous than Doms (Just look at Alt.com or Bondage.com), the subs are really the people who hold the power which defeats the whole idea. The Dom is really the person on the end of the leash and not the sub, in reality the Dom services the sub and as long as he performs the sub won't walk away and he'll keep his position, which really isn't a position of power at all. You can see the psychology of this in the ads written by subs, the whole diction is one of someone possessing something that is in high demand and they are asking a high price.
A submissive finds comfort in her/his Dominant. Through their control and power; submissives are in control. Not meaning they control the dom...NEVER. Just that submissives are more able to function at their best through their dominant.

A high price...hell yes it is. A dominant is asking a submissive to trust them with their lives. That is not a trivial thing.


subwife