Hmm...not bad points, but for one thing not all of us desire unwilling partners. I get off on knowing that she wants it. When I tell her to do some humiliating thing and on top it looks like she is suffering, but underneath I can see her enjoyment it gives me pleasure.

Secondly what you are talking about seems to me to be the difference between reality and fantasy. Sure I've fantasized about non-consensual activities, but that's not BDSM, that's a rape fantasy or a kidnapping fantasy and I don't associate my fantasies with my real life. When I'm in a situation with a real person my mind and body are there with the person, not off in a fantasy world, so I can't really compare the two as being one from the other.