Look... I truly dont want to give you a tuff time, but your own words are hard to ignore:
"BDSM is an ersatz experience so yes, it is sugarcoated. Take out SSC and consent and you have the real thing but you are less likely to get the real thing in the life style than outside it"

Now come on - you may express your own life like that, but seriously, can you classify all others in this category? My life certainly is not!

Brosco