You sound conflicted Dongthong-wife, I don't know what I would do were I in your position, but I think I would look to my friends to help me put things into a better perspective so you're not so controlled by the past. Build anew so to speak.

Dongthong, it sounds like you've lost your self control. As a dom, it's important to maintain a somewhat cooler perspective so that you don't get carried away. Go slower so you can savor the power rush you feel rather than letting it escalate out of proportion...

Except for a certain cathartic feeling, such (I call them) 'enragements' are never as satisfying as the total sexual release that accompanies a slow buildup of power/tension. Akin to the difference between premature ejaculation and tantric orgasm. I always look for something inbetween.