Dongtong here: regarding learningtopleez comments- WAY OFF. My wife has, in her words, "reached a point in my life I thought would never come true." She is much more confident and proud of who she is. I dought she would have acheived this in a relationship if it was abusive. I am not saying she is a better person because of me- I would never say that. Hands down she is a great person because she continually tries to be a better person, and for the manyother reasons- like make me feel good. I did not grow up an abusive house. My father, mother and brother and sisters never help back their words. Like "stop bothering me", "how many times do I have to tell you don't do that to me?" etc.. As for the punishment- ya we do need to define CLEARLY what is too much. I can tell you, there has never been a time that she is not totally wet. But I can also tell you, there have been times that I was unsure how far to go and pushed it. THat was wrong- no matter what she says- because I didn't control myself. A writer said something about agressions without control is not a enjoyable. He was right. When it is rushed and I am ruff I may not get hard until I slow down. Thanks