Well, I haven't had to much time to really look at this but there is a huge glaring annoyance. So many sentences start with "I" that it's ridiculous. In fact, it makes every instance of the word "I" stand out like a bowling ball in a room full of marbles.

I have to admit - I hate present tense active - or whatever it's called - especially from the first person perspective. It's a nightmare to try to write and a pain to read.