suggestions for a gentle start

[theoccupier]

or, since her crime was orgasming without permission, tie her up so she can't resist and then tease her mercilously WITHOUT giving her a great orgasm or three.

fantassy

This is certainly part of my 'master' plan (if you'll pardon the pun).

Some great responses already, thanks everyone for your input. What I'm trying to wrestle with now is the balance between pre-planning things (to ensure I don't dry up mentally) and spontenaiety.

My ideas so far start with stripping her (or ordering her to) to delineate from the "wife" and "slave" parts of her day. I'd then give her some basic rules (no cumming without permission, no talking without permission, obeying orders without hesitation) and some preparation tasks to do (cleansing, shaving etc) and then dressing in the clothes I will have laid out.

To kick off the whole teasing thing, I will require her to masturbate, but without permission to orgasm, repeatedly in the bath and while dressing.

My next thought was to go into the "rules for the evening" with her in more depth - but as a 2-way activity, ie give her the opportunity to set some boundaries:
- her safeword (perhaps an amber "stop this thing" and red "stop it all")
- things she wants to get out of the night
- things definitely off limits
- secret desires for the night (hopefully if I have played the masturbation right up to this point, her resistance will be lower and she may suggest a few activities at the edge of her limits she would like to try if she is ordered to do them)

Exactly where I go beyond this is TBA at the moment, but I foresee perhaps an outfit change for her at some point (setting the opportunity for some discipline for transgressing some rule I will have thought up to which her new outfit does not conform), plenty of focus on my physical pleasure (sexual and otherwise) and plenty of frustration for her before, doubtless, permitting her orgasm - after an appropriately humiliating amount of deferential begging! I think this is fast becoming my kink!

How am I doing so far?

Do I need to up the correction and punishment aspect of the experience - is this integral to a dom/slave session or down to personal proclivity? Spanking at least is one of her kinks - does a 'good' dom let himself be influenced by this? If so is it by withholding it as a punishment in itself, or emphasising it?

I'm intrigued by Brosco's suggestion about how far the mental side of it can go. It would not have occurred to me to consider 'normal' activity like doing the dishes (realise this was only an example) but gives me some thoughts about wider ideas of 'servitude' for her slavery! Anyone else care to corroborate this?

[RedSilk]

Hi there! I am currently an online slave to my Master. I have to tell you that for us, as far as punishment goes, knowing that I've disappointed him is enough to make a normally pleasurable activity for me, such as spanking, into something that is a true punishment. So, I don't think that withholding something she likes is necessarily the key. I guess for me, it's the mindset and how I feel about disappointing him if you can understand that.

I don't think that every single scene or even D/s relationship has to include punishment and correction. I know that sometimes for Master and I, play is enough and it's what feels right. I think that he would tell you that sometimes you have to play it by ear and really listen to her body language and other cues.

Master always tells me that my pleasure is at his pleasure, meaning that sometimes what he wants to give me is what I want. This is not always the case. Sometimes I want to cum, and he doesn't want to give that to me so I don't get to cum. BUT, there are times when i really want it and he wants me to have it. Maybe this is a little too far for you considering you're just starting out and setting boundaries, etc.... but in our relationship, everything is at his option.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is that it's all relative. There is no certain way to play in a BDSM relationship. Everyone has different kinks and different things that turn them on. It's up to you to figure out what she really likes and whether or not you want to give that to her. In the end, it's all about pleasure, for you and for her. As a sub though, your pleasure will probably bring her pleasure!

I don't know if this helped at all, or I'm just rambling. Feel free to kick my butt when I'm not useful! ~giggles~ OOohh... or spank me!

[fantassy]

I'm intrigued by Brosco's suggestion about how far the mental side of it can go. It would not have occurred to me to consider 'normal' activity like doing the dishes (realise this was only an example) but gives me some thoughts about wider ideas of 'servitude' for her slavery! Anyone else care to corroborate this?

It sounds like you have a great day planned! As far her suggestions for what she hopes for from the evening - I don't know if I am typical, but what I would suggest myself is far more limited than what I would agree sounds intriguing if Brosco suggests it.

As far as the mental aspect goes, I can give you an example of a "normal" thing that took on a whole different meaning for me. Brosco suggested I wear a "collar" when ever I am in "subbie" mode - doing a task for him. We agreed that a metal and leather choker necklace I have would be suitable for the purpose. Now I have worn that choker dozens of times over the years and never thought twice about it, but when I wore it out in public while doing a "subbie" task at Brosco's instruction, it took on an entirely new meaning for me. It was all in my head, of course, but it was very effective.

fantassy

[whippedcream]

Sounds like you've thought things through pretty well. One thing, though: the little subbie on my shoulder is whispering that it's not really fair to assign her an outfit and then punish her when it doesn't conform to your rules. The miniDom on my other shoulder says there's nothing wrong with setting up a readymade reason to put somebody over your knee, considering you could do it for no reason at all if you wanted...

I guess my advice is if you're going to "punish" for something like that with a sexy spanking or something else you both find fun, then that's cool. Just be aware that the feeling of disappointing one's Master can produce anything from a mischevious glee to an actual emotional ouch, depending on the tone you set for the punishment.

[Uncle_Ed]

Hi theoccupier,

I do like your idea of scene-setting. I use this a lot and have two incidents that you may like to consider.

I took my wife to London for a few days. We visited several shops in Soho and in one I bought a new cane. I asked the salesman to wrap it securely as I intended my wife to carry it separately for the rest of the day. I dropped the notion that as it was so springy it could unwind at any moment and break out of the bag! My wife blushed furiously but not entirely from embarassment, and I knew she was getting a kick out of it.

For the rest of the day she carried soooo carefully! She got it home in one piece and couldn't wait to try it out.

On another evening we had some of the family over to visit. I made my wife spend the entire time chatting and socialising as she wore a pair of rubber knickers. These were the loose-fitting kind that have a tencency to be very noisy! She moved around very gingerly and on a number of times I noticed our guests looking around for the source of the sound.

Mixing playtime with the mundane certainly cheers up the day for us.