If you're not used to it, the doer needs to TAKE THEIR TIME and go slow. Sounds like you might have had a brush with someone who was just too into their own thing, or too excited at the prospect to realize what was going on, to take the time for you to enjoy too. Apologies if I'm wrong, but I'll re-iterate what I said earlier in this post - use plenty of lube, and then a little more. Once one gets into it and learns to relax, you might be able to go ahead with just the lubrication available in the nearby port - if you know what I mean- but for beginners it probably just ain't enough. If he doesn't like it, well, tough, he isn't the one who's going to be screaming when they use the orifice for it's intended purpose the next day. I don't think a Dom worth his salt would want that for their beloved, either. Just sayin'.