What makes you submissive?

[Polaris]

Submissives, when recognized by skilled abusers, are a direct target - I have learned that much - it is written on our person somehow and it can get taken advantage of when spotted. I've also learned how to read their 'writing' in return *winks* and it helps in preventing them ever abusing me again. It isn't without backlash though and when they see they can't take advantage, a very angry and accusing person appears lol[/QUOTE]

Sorry to take that out of context a little -- there were other interesting points in the post -- but I really wanted to follow up that thought. I'm not sure if it's the submissiveness that speaks to abusers. I am still submissive, and I am more submissive than dominant in every aspect of my life...this is to say, I think if you look out for signs, you would find them easily in my case -- but I have somehow stopped to attract abusive people. What has changed is not that I am no more submissive, but I've learnt some reasonable human responses to unreasonable requests...that is to say, I've learnt to say no, sometimes I even manage to not feel guilty about it. It's like in Amber's story: When she realised that the behaviour of her (dom)partner was more controlling (thus, unhealthy) than dominant (thus healthy), she walked out -- which is the only sane reaction. What I would have done would have been very likely to make up excuses for his behaviour and blame myself -- which is neither a sane nor a healthy reaction.

What I have (or had) written all over myself was probably not 'submissive' but 'codependent'. Of course, the submissive qualities may play into it, as well. And this is what makes it so complicating -- it's, to me, two different things, yet at some point they seem to overlap. And as I can't quite point out where that is, or how these things connect (or don't connect, at that), it bothers me.

As far as my relationships are concerned (not that I had that many), ALL my vanilla relationships were abusive in one way or another. NONE of my BDSM relationships were abusive in any way. This is something that makes me wonder as well.

I'm afraid that's more questions than answers, but I truly appreciate all the other's insight and input!

[Isabella King]

I reckon this thread needs a change of direction.

When I was about twelve I used to walk around the country lanes where I lived with no clothes on Cars even passed me by How stupid was that?

When I was a teenager I used to dress in tiny short skirts, no knickers, high heeled thigh length boots, skimpy revealing tops and my mum's wig and walk the streets of the local town pretending to be a prostitute How lucky was I to return home still a virgin

Did I secretly hope to be kidnapped or ravished? Yeah, drowning in raging hormones that I didn't know how to control, I think I did.

I don't think I deserved to still be a virgin when I got married but I'm so glad I was.


NB: Posting after drinking a bottle of red wine could lead to embarrassment...
I also did other things but it would take more than one bottle of wine to reveal any more.