Good stuff. Unfortunately, I can't really offer a proper destruction of this with my time as limited as it is. It took me three days to get through it and it's going to take me a few more to properly hammer on it. I am heading out of town for a few days.

The one thing I will say here is that the beginning was awkward and needs some adjustments. Also, when you do dialogue, you tend to do this: "I don't care." Her voice was cold.
Try: "I don't care," she said, her voice as cold as ice.

Thre were other things I would adjust but, as I mentioned, I don't have time to really get to. Mostly, though, I enjoyed this continuation and perspective change.

Catch you Monday!