Quote Originally Posted by neitsyst2 View Post
Part of the stigma attached to the lifestyle is that it is "abnormal" for us to enjoy the BDSM activites that we do enjoy. But that is what it is, a stigma. Because many of us learn at a young age that s/m for example is outside the socially accepted norm, we feel guilt or shame when truly accepting the fantasy we have associated with that lifestyle.

Here is my take. I know that it will take time for me to embrace the whole of the things that I enjoy in the realm of BDSM...but I know that there is no reason for me NOT to accept them beyond the limitations that I have set for myself. Limitations that I have imposed from a learned lifetime of "normalcy."

The freedom about the lifestyle is that I can truly enjoy what I enjoy about sex, pleasure, pain, submission, etc. If I step back from my fantasy and give in to the social norm, I will be missing out on what makes me happy. BDSM IS my norm, and the lifestyle is just that...a lifestyle.

I hope that you will share your stories with us the way you envision them. You would be surprised at just how many people out there share your kink.

Best wishes,
nei
I appreciate your input.

I'm not really talking about things that I've done or would like to do in a scene, though. I don't really worry about that, because it's something that I'm doing with someone else who enjoys it and gets personal satisfaction from it. I wouldn't ever want to do a scene with someone who was actually not sure if they were willing to participate, or pushing their limits past what they were really okay with.

In fiction and fantasy, though, I don't always stop at the same places. The particular story I'm working on is kind of a "be careful what you wish for" situation exploring where a character's limits are in relation to what she has said she wanted. I don't think I can actually post the story here, because it's fan fiction using licensed characters, but the idea is that in the original work one of the characters has been sort of obsessed with another character because he strikes her as dangerous, and in the fan fic he decides to show her how dangerous he can really be. I was attracted to writing about that character because I can relate to her, being a bit of a thrill-seeker myself and always kind of wishing that I could just get it out of my system.

However, I'm having a really hard time with the issue of consent in the story. In the source material, the characters have a sexual relationship and it's pretty obvious that she wants him to hurt her. On the other hand, she never actually says out loud that she wants that, she just hints at it. I feel like I understand the character well enough to say that she wouldn't feel violated by the events in my story, but I don't know if I feel comfortable making that judgment for a woman other than myself -- even a woman who doesn't exist outside of a TV series. We live in a culture that constantly bends over backward to justify violence against women, or to blame the victims rather than the offenders, and I don't want to be a part of that.

I know I'm really over-thinking this and it's just a very minor fantasy that only a few people would ever read, but I feel like the issues I'm having with my own imagination are something that I'm going to have to deal with at some point or another and I might as well get it over with now. For those who haven't followed my personal soap opera in My BDSM Life, I think part of the issue is that I only recently discovered my own dominant side, and I'm still getting used to the idea that I can enjoy inflicting pain. It's kind of a tough adjustment, honestly.