Quote Originally Posted by Amethyst View Post
I seem to be stuck in a cycle of deciding its time i found a real life Dom, finding someone with potential and then freaking out. Every so often i decide BDSM isn't for me and promise myself i'll just leave it as something to daydream about. However i end up feeling pretty low that i've let opportunities go and that i may live life without ever submitting to anyone. Currently i'm on the lookout for a Dom after a few months break but i'm starting to wonder whether it really is for me if i have such strong reoccurring doubts. Maybe i just haven't found the right Dom with the ability to put me at ease. I really don't know anymore......
ok, here's my interpretation of your post.

You have an image of what a D/s relationship entails. You like some of it, but not other parts. This freaks you out.

A suggestion is that you identify what that image is, and then consciously change it. And then find a guy who fits it. And communicate this with the guy you found.

Like this:
I want a Master I can worship and serve.
I don't want a Master who punishes me physically or hurts me physically.
I want a Master who is a life partner and who is supportive and loving.
I want a Master who needs a slave like me to worship him.
I want a Master who can teach me things about myself.
I want a Master who isn't an insane fuck up like all my exes.

The things that freak you out are of course that which you don't really want. It may turn you on, but isn't something you actually want to do. We've all got plenty of those fetishes. Just because you're a slave doesn't mean you have to do everything your master tell you to. You don't have to do anything that does violence to your nature. Any master who demands it I'd label as abusive.