you have to remember here icey that i dont have a Master/Dom. Its just someone who knows what im into and is willing to expect it and do SOME of the things that go along with this lifestyle. He isnt into calin me names or humlitating me, and or cropping me or that matter, its a chore just to get him to spank me half the damn time. I know its a fucked up situation but its the best that i can get at this moment. Ive been looking for someone, ANYONE that is into the same things i am sexually around my town but it turns out that it isnt going to happen. My Master is out there and i am going to try to get as much ( or as little in this case) of training and expierence that i can..


and remember i am on CR bc i CANNOT CUM. He is toying with me, and in lack of a better word, fucking me, but not letting me cum so far its working, im horny all the time and alll i want to do is touch myself, but if there is no real punishment ( his punishment would be to give me more time. *rolls eyes* ) then why wouldnt i just disobey him and masterbate or cum while sex ( if i could ) if the only thing he is going to give me is more CR time...its almost like ill be on it forever but stil be masterbating.

i am also not happy sexually..since he isnt fully into BDSM. He gets it, he understands it, he thinks its cool, but isnt his style yano? I need someone hard and demanding, and someone who wont take "no" for an answer. Maybe my standards are to high?! i dont know im lost and confused..