The Wake - assignment one

[orchid]

The Wake

It was not the kind of day you would normally equate with death.

As I carefully climbed out of the car, I squinted my eyes behind my dark sunglasses as the spring sun reflected prisms everywhere. How ironic, I thought bitterly, that we were gathering here today, in the season of rebirth and renewal, to say goodbye forever.

My eyes felt like sandpaper from lack of sleep. My soul felt empty and in my chest, my thudding heart felt literally like it was weighing me down.

Taking a deep breath, I straightened my somber black skirt and jacket and absently reached up to touch the prim black hat perched on my my blonde head. Slowly, filled with dread, I stepped forward and carefully avoided the crowd of people gathered at the doors as I entered the chapel.

I stood stiffly at the back of the room as I forced myself to look anywhere but at the brown box that now held the body of my best friend since childhood. How could it have been that just three days ago we were sitting on the patio at the pub enjoying a drink? How could it have been that night that I got the call that your lifeless, mutilated body had been found in the alley behind the corner store where you had stopped for gas on your way home from that very celebration?

The silence pounded in my ears. I felt a hand on my elbow and let it lead me to a seat near the front without looking, or caring, who it was. Each step towards the casket held another memory.

Step: I was 8 years old and just moved into our new house, in a new city. The doorbell rang, and there you were, asking my mom if she had a little girl you could play with.

Step: We were 10 and in the basement of my home, happily ripping newspaper apart to set up the boundaries of our Barbie's mansions.

Step: We were 14 and huddled beside your locker at school devising a plan for attending the school dance that night.

Step: We were 16 and sitting under the oak tree in the park we played in as children, talking about our boyfriends, full of the excitement of young love and the prospect of going ‘all the way’ for the first time.

Step: It was your 21st birthday and we were dancing the night away at the hot new nightclub in town.

Step: I was saying goodbye to you just a few short days ago, laughing as I walked away from your car and saying “See you tomorrow…”

Tomorrow…the word hung in my memory and burned like fire. Tomorrow. Such a simple prospect and yet, so hard to fulfill now that there were no tomorrows for you. Gingerly I sat, lost in my memories.

As the minister started to speak, I looked up and my eyes came to rest on your picture. Your smile was so bright, your eyes so vibrant. I couldn’t bear to look. Averting my eyes, I outwardly cringed as they came to rest on the casket. Finally…blessedly, I raised my hands to my face and did what I had been unable to do since I received the news. As the ministers monotone voice rang like thunder in my ears, I released a torrent of tears that were fitting of the storm in my heart.

[Rabbit1]

Very nice ---but I think you missed the opportunity to express the smell of flowers ----that is usually at a wake----try using all five of your senses to decribe what is around you and you will do a better job of making the reader see and feel what you see and feel ---like the taste of bile rising in your throat--as you realise this the last you will see of the departed ---just a suggestion

[orchid]

thank you Rabbit.
Do i try again with this same story then, or will i be sent another scenario?

[Aesop]

It's been a busy couple of days for me. I'll get your next assignment out as soon as possible.

[orchid]

thank you Aesop,
No hurry - i will be at a conference this weekend and away next week so won't be able to work on it before then anyways.
cheers,
orchid

[novus56]

orchid,

I thought it was great. Very descriptive!

novus

[orchid]

thank you novus
your comments are appreciated!