i scare myself on a regular basis. sometimes i have days that my fanatasies are just to dark and evil for me to handle. i often fantasize about demons. massacres being killed or tortured to death. unfortunately it doesnt stop there.

i have had alot of bad stuff hapen to me when i was little and its only making things worse. i often wake up screaming shaking and covered in sweat and sometime realy horny.

but over the years i have learned not to run away from it but to embrace it.
i think about what hapend and about what it could mean. i try to find symbols in my dreams. and i look up the meaning in books that explain dreams. and see what they could mean.

to me fantasies, dreams and nightmare are scary but for a reason. they help me through my everyday life.