Ladystouch,

I do like your style here,as you handle the dialogue and action descriptions quite well ,to the point that the reader easily can discern something about the characters as action unfolds.

I am going to concur with some of the other members that this appears to be more of a "Chapter 1" of a story,rather than a short story,with some sort of compelling ending.

One thing I learned several years ago after I posted a short story here on the Library,one titled "A Flat Surprise", is that I should have never added additional chapters to this original short story.Simply put this one started as a short story and I did receive lots of e-mails beseeching me to go beyond this
compelling ending of this particular story.But alas, as it turned out these additional chapters proved to be much like cutting a drum open to see what makes the sound.