babypup I feel your despair and pain. I want to let you know you are not alone in the way you are feeling. God the amount of times I have felt this way myself and feel the same way even as I type this post. Lost and alone and dying inside. I wish I could reach inside your heart and ease that pain. Hold you so that you know you are not alone. Give you all you need to ease your despair and touch that place that feels like it is dying and bring life and happiness, trust instead of fear and peace instead of anger. Know that you are heard and cared for and that life has a way of working out even in our darkest moments. I care.