Just wanted to add something to this thread, regarding the point of being accepted in your most debased form:

I have never been so much for the "you're a slut," "you're a whore," kind of thing. To me it's fun and playful, but not really the same kind of erotic trigger as it is for my submissive girl, who definitely needs that kind of talk to get into a submissive state of mind. When I'm a dom with her I find it fun to do that, but I always sort of figured that as a sub, I'm not really into name-calling.

And then last week I was being a sub in a scene with someone who'd only been a friend until then, and she was playing the role of someone pretty much evil and unhinged (oh how I <3 role playing... ) and she murmured in my ear, "you're not a good girl. You're dark, and perverse, and you've always wanted this... you're just like me."

and my brain pretty much went THUMP and fizzled out of commission for the next, um, hour? two hours? No idea. Anyway, the point is that apparently I *do* like name-calling. It just has to be something that's actually a source of shame for me in RL, and being a slut doesn't really do that for me. I like being a slut. It's fun, and it makes my partners happy too. But when she said that, she was unearthing one of the things I really do worry about in myself, and tacitly accepting it by bringing it into play.

I felt like that was kind of a huge moment for me as a submissive, in terms of changing the way I see the whole experience. More and more I think that Tessa is right that, at least for me, this is a core part of submission. And realizing that makes me feel better about the fact that I have these doubts about myself in the first place.