Horatio Palmer's 3rd Assignment

[Nikita]

You've not been abandoned. All of us are monitoring the various levels. You've been working diligently at it. Such a dissertation deserves a few days to look over. I'll get back to you soon.

[Mad Lews]

Howdy Horatio,
I'm reading through your piece now. My initial impression is it's ambitious, interesting, and set in an (for you) unfamiliar spot.
My qualms would be the mixture of UK English and American English (pick one I've been told) a tendency toward wordiness, and some interesting uses of prepositions which may be related to the UK English thing.
I'll go through it more thoroughly and post my comments here while you think on how you could tell the same story in 6000 words without losing anything.

Yours
Mad Lews