i just saw this and began reading. A few nits so far, but nothing terribly major. If I don't get to giving you a good beating up by Wednesday send me a PM.

I can tell you that there doesn't, so far, seem to be the right sound to the child's writing. It needs a bit more simplicity. I am about a third of the way through, mind you.

The second sentence of this piece was a bit awkward and needs to be fixed, though - at least for my tastes.

"Her eyes scanned from floor to ceiling, of which she couldn't actually see the floor since it was covered from end to end with papers, dirty clothes, and various knickknacks."

I would have used the term "the latter of which" instead of what you used.

Hopefully, later tonight or Monday, I will get to really giving this a good go-over.

Dean