underwhere's 4th assignment

[underwhere]

Hi underwhere,
I'd say the most important thing to remember in a piece like this is to give your two characters distinct voices. You've done a pretty good job at that, but you should feel free to ham it up a bit. After all, It's only a writing class.

Interesting point. Giving characters distinct voices is actually something I think a lot about, not just in writing but in real life. When people ask me, I often tell them that I got my Ph.D. in Psychology from the School of Hard Knocks. Part of the way I've done that is to be very attuned to the different personalities and quirks of the people I interact with on a day-to-day basis. I'm glad that shows in my writing.

I'll have to consider how to ham it up even a bit more than that if I can. That gives me something to think about anyway.

Your narrator, Mom, can use time worn clinches, it's not often you get to do that so savor the opportunity. If one uses contractions, the other shouldn't. pick out a favored turn of phrase for each like starting a few sentences with "Of course," or "After all" don't overdo it but get a real feel for how each character talks, then be consistent and don't let the two characters overlap.

I definitely had not thought about those details. Something else for me to consider.

One thing I was thinking about as I wrote this was the difference between how a person might write and how a person might talk. I'm not at all sure that Mark would actually talk the same way that he writes. Most people speak rather differently than how they write. I, personally, seem to be a rather rare exception to that observation as I often speak with long sentences and thoughts which flow together very well much the same as my writing does, but most people are a little more trite in either speaking or writing. I tend to be quite verbose in both formats. Sometimes, that is not the most effective way to be, though.

I thought the story was cute, kind of thought the mum was overly vulnerable and sensitive, but I like what you did and the ending was perfect IMHO

Part of what I tried to get across was that BOTH mum and son felt very vulnerable, and that they both had valid reasons for being that way.

Mum wants to think of herself as not being vulnerable anymore because, after all, she is finally rid of her abusive husband, but she hasn't yet put her own baggage truly behind her. Part of that process is in coming to terms with her son for who he really is, not who she wants him to be or who she thinks he is.

Son hates feeling vulnerable, but at this point really has no idea what to do about it all. His therapist thinks writing will empower him, but as he wrote, he is not convinced that will help him.

Now that Mum knows, I think there is a much better chance for both to become less vulnerable, not just with each other but with other people in their lives.....Maybe I need to play up the "Mum is overly preoccupied with housework, work, and personal care resulting in her being unable to deal with 'real life' sitting directly in front of her" aspect of this story. If I go that route, Mum needs a bit more backstory to make her a more defined character. That would be something else I'll want to consider. An interesting question for me to answer now would be how to go about that process. More for me to think about on my rewrite, but all good stuff.

Yours
Mad Lews

Thanks for the feedback. Indeed, it has been helpful to me.