Demon_Masters 1st Lvl 1 Assignment

[pejanon]

Demon_Master, it is easier to write a new story - therefore you should rewrite this one.

And, it is worth it. The red is not there because I like to use it or because I like to hack stories.You could get a decent short piece.

That IS the idea of editing. You write a story, it gets edited, then you rewrite it along the lines of the edits, and hopefully learn something from it. Simpler narrative style is not easier.

Please remember, everybody's stories are edited. Everybody's. Going thought your story again will make you write better. I am sure you can do it.

[Demon_Master]

OK...NP, will get on it...I will do the rewrite and get it right...thanx
DM

P.S. some of the grammatical/wording changes in the piece do NOT make sense:

She turned and climbed into the shower, and I (liked) the world. And the “Tootsie Roll” may never know the word liked does NOT seem to fit properly, and I did notice My punctuation did make the sentence a P.O.S. for lack of a better choice of words...is there an editing style per se to avoid errors like this, MSWord seems useless or wrong to Me alot?

[Nikita]

OK...NP, will get on it...I will do the rewrite and get it right...thanx
DM

P.S. some of the grammatical/wording changes in the piece do NOT make sense:

She turned and climbed into the shower, and I (liked) the world. And the “Tootsie Roll” may never know the word liked does NOT seem to fit properly, and I did notice My punctuation did make the sentence a P.O.S. for lack of a better choice of words...is there an editing style per se to avoid errors like this, MSWord seems useless or wrong to Me alot?

DM,

Just a few points.

I took a look at the example you quoted above that doesn't make sense to you, compared it to the original, and Pejanon's feedback. In this case, it looks to me like he fixed your sentence grammatically.

In said sentence, (liked) is the past tense of the word (like) Read the sentence corrections and notice the verbs agree in tense. She 'climbed' and I 'liked.'

I use MS Word tools like you do and their suggestions are generally 40% right and 60% wrong, but they do catch things like repeated words, mispellings, and usage.

Some of the suggested wording is not absolute. Just take it into consideration when you re-formulate what you want to say in the sentence. You don't have to use the suggested wording as written, but, they should trigger what you want to say...better. Understand?

In the case of corrections, they mostly have to do with grammar.

Always, always read your story aloud when you it's finished. It is easier to edit this way.

Hope this makes your re-write easier.

To your success.

[pejanon]

The red text in brackets replaces the red text in front of it. Sorry, I could not use strikethrough now. The bracket may contain further comment.

If the text is just reddened, you attention is drawn to it. You an either remove it or find a better expression.

She turned and climbed into the shower, and I liked the world. And the “Tootsie Roll” may never know… but you can bet I will be watching again.

I changed ‘like’ to liked. It should’ve been [COLOR=”Red”]like(liked) [/COLOR] but I also wanted to draw your attention to it. “Liked’ is ok, but consider finding a better, more precise expression. (happy? at peace with?) It can be a crucial word in the story, pointing out your character’s mental state at the end of the story. Your character does change during the story so pointing it out more precisely creates a sense of character development.

The second red in the quite points out the new sentence.


Hope this helps.