Having flashbacks during sex can be incredibly scary. You can be flooded by the full memory of the event and coming back can leave you shaky and disoriented for a while. Your flashbacks can also be scary for your partner, who may blame themselves for causing you to remember something unpleasant.

Some of the things that have helped me:

Stop the sexual activity at any time when you feel anxious, panicked, or scared.

Sometimes it is hard to verbalize when you're beset by a flashback. Consider setting up a signal system - a squeeze on the right shoulder means "stop now, I'm scared." This signal needs to be different than your non-verbal or gagged safeword in order to help your partner realize what is happening to you.

Pay attention to what triggers your feelings and either write them down to talk about later or talk about them right then. Naming our fears and what frightens us can reduce the power those things have over us.

Remind yourself that you are safe. Tell yourself that you are remembering what happened in the past and that you are in the present with someone who cares for you.

Find a safe place (sometimes out of the bedroom) where you can talk. Talk about what you are experiencing with your partner (or a professional). Give your partner permission to ask questions or even talk about some guiding questions he can use to start the conversation. I can't stress enough how much it can help to talk about the flashpoint with the person you are intimate with.

Ground yourself with an object of empowerment and safety. This could be something that he gave you (like your collar) or some other item that makes you remember a happy time or positive experience. Touching it and looking at it will help you return to the present moment.

Finally, flashbacks can make you feel like you are going crazy but they are part of the healing process. Trust me when I tell you that you are not alone.