Dear Puppet,

Since you posted it here, I am assuming you are looking for feedback on how to make the story better, rather than just a review. If that is not what you were looking for, read no further.

If you were looking for feedback on what works with the piece, and what might benefit from some tweaking, I'll give it a shot.

The opening line almost grabs me. Right idea, but it could use some more punch. Maybe shorten it to "I should have seen it coming."

It's an interesting piece and an interesting premise. For the most part, I thought the broken Russian was fairly well done. You set yourself a difficult task there, and I applaud the effort.

There are a couple of places, however, where it doesn't quite ring true. For example: the article "the" is usually omitted by Russians beginning to learn English, because (I believe) it doesn't exist in the Russian language. Thus, "So, you are American idiot caught sneaking into Kremlin" sounds more accurate than "...sneaking into the Kremlin."

I also found a few grammatical errors, mostly having to do with tenses, and such. Reading your story out loud usually helps you catch things like that.

I don't have a problem with the premise, but there needs to be more emotion--on both sides. You want to make the reader care enough to turn the page (use the scroll bar, etc.). The Russian interrogator does not seem to be really into her job, despite her words. You might try describing her responses to his reactions.

And, I can't imagine an American male getting casually tossed across a room by a woman and not having some feelings about it (other than pain). Astonishment, maybe?

As a certain writing instructor recently taught me, just cataloging what is happening in terms of torture is not as impactful as also describing the thoughts/feelings/reactions of the victim.

Just my personal opinion here, but I also think you short-changed the rape scene--in both directions. Is he horrified? Humiliated? Turned on against his will?

Does she use rape regularly as a(n) interrogation technique, or does she save it only for guys she is attracted to? Is she reveling in her power over him? Well, you get the idea.

All that said, I think this was a pretty ambitious story line. You have a good start, and some tweaking should make it quite a good read. Good luck!

Lady C