The Cyber-Age is Upon Us

[Pooka]

Great topic! Okay, I'll take a stab at this. *grin*

Now, I'll admit that I haven't spent much time in chat rooms at all. In fact, the only times I went to one or two was when my husband and I were doing the long distance thing and we met there to be with others that were on a discussion list with us. So, perhaps I don't have the right perspective on it.

There are many levels of learning involved in a BDSM relationship -- and believe me, I don't believe you can learn to properly flog someone, or spank someone or do saline injections on-line. LOL!

For me, the learning was all about the sheer volume of 'stuff' that is out there. When I began (oh so long ago in 1994) I had no clue that so many different implements existed, I had no clue what a violet wand was, that people did electrical play, fire play, that there were all these different bondage options. I didn't know about age play, male subs, fisting, medical play, and the list goes on and on and on. LOL! I really did not know!

Then there is the aspect of what is it like being submissive. What did it really mean, what did it demand, how could it best be expressed, where is the line between being a doormat and a submissive? What was humiliation? Did humiliation play a role in being submissive, or was it just abusive?

These things and more are the questions I had going in and reading all the sites, talking to others helped me get a perspective on those elements. Where they might belong in my own life, the mindset behind it all. Very much a thinking kind of learning as opposed to getting a cyber caning. *grin*

It was interesting to me to observe the dynamics between people on the lists and in the chat room I used to go to. I will admit that I had little respect for most of those I came across, but every once in a while I would meet up with a genuine person whom I enjoyed and learned from -- doms and subs.

So, an adult in this lifesytle needs to understand the limitations of cyberspace, and I think many do as it relates to real life. For many others, cyber is all they want to commit to for whatever reasons and they are free to do that as well. If they should venture from their cyber world into the real world, it is up to the participants to make sure that their cyber partner is responsible enough to know the difference between real and fantasy.

This reminds me of the incredibly long correspondance I had with my husband when we were preparing to meet in person for the first time. I do not exagerate when I say that we exchanged about 100 email messages on the topic of the safeword. I did not understand the concept deep down and my husband was determined that I should understand and use a safeword for our first meeting. At this point, we had corresponded for about a year, on many different subjects and wanted to get together only so that he could show me what real bdsm was -- I had zero actual experience, only what I had read about on the Net.

And I did research about safewords, I talked to other subs and doms. To this day, I do not understand the concept. *gasp* LOL! Yes, SSC and all that.

My conclusion about safewords? Well, in essense, they seemed to be a shortcut to allow play amongst strangers or novices. Now, I had to ask myself, if you didn't trust your partner enough to fully give of yourself, why were you playing at all? There is responsibility for safety on both sides, dom and sub, when it comes to getting together for bdsm.

Either you trusted your partner to know how to use the tools of the trade so to speak, or you didn't. If you didn't, no safeword in the world is going to make a differnce and in fact provides a false sense of safety and security, making it even more dangerous. A safe word gives only the illusion of safety, while knowing and trusting your partner does give you real safety.

But I digress.

The point is, ultimately, we are each responsible for what we choose to do. Cyber (at least when I knew it! was a good place for me to discover all that was possible, hear the good, the bad, and the ugly about BDSM, and was a place of interesting ideas of things I might pursue in real life.

In some ways, it is like reading books. Yes, I can't do surgery from reading a book, but a book will lead me to explore those things that tickle my intellect or imagination so that I will seek out real training for them in real life. It's a guide, an introduction or invitation to further your experiences in real life. An another analogy that might work is in cooking. I love to cook and I'll often read cook books from cover to cover just to see what is available, get the gist of certain techniques and see how ingredients might work together. Eventually, I'll try one of the recipes in real life, having chosen it so that it suits my tastes and experience level in preparation. Without reading the cookbook, I would not have known what was involved and so couldn't try making the recipe.

I'm sure many don't see it that way. From what you've described about the state of chat rooms today, well, it sounds more like a way to fantasize and masturbate with a willing audience and even that has its place. Being a bit of an exhibitionist, I think I would enjoy expressively describing sexual situations for others, with the elements of bondage, submission, dominance and all that. Like acting out one of my stories on-line for the entertainment of others.

While my husband and I were 'dating' long distance style, I guess you would say we had a cyber relationship between visits. LOL! Though I will admit, he never gave me a cyber spanking. To me, that is just beyond the realm of my imagination and hardly effective in a real relationship. However, I was instructed to do various things that he could check on later, mostly writing about a certain topic, or making some article of clothing to be worn upon his arrival and that kind of thing. And he did instruct me to be dressed a certain way, or perhaps have my hands lightly bound as I typed, and that kind of thing.

Ah, those were the days ... *grin*

Pooka