It takes time. I remember in my mid-early teens, I was always topping from the bottom, pushing my partners to be more dominant over me. I didn't realize I was doing it at the time, but in retrospect, it's quite clear what my unfulfilled need was.

The one day, I met a guy. And it just happened. It starts out with subtle things. You can be "in control" without having someone tied up. If you're controlling their pleasure, and have an air of authority, that, in essence, is the important part. Things move on from there.

You just have to let things happen naturally and don't be too worried about it. The best things will find you when you aren't even looking.