It seems a simple question to me, John. Is her refusal a "hard limit" or a "soft limit"? And those questions have to be addressed to her, don't they?

And if it's a hard limit, it should be somewhere in the vicinity of your contract and you probably shouldn't even mention it.

When pursuing a contract I think it's really good practice to go through, together, one of the BDSM checklists -- I've seen several here and others online and most any will do for purposes of your discussion.

I also have found it useful to review it periodically because, as another thread here makes clear, things change for all of us.

hJ