You can pick and choose. Ultimately, your relationship is whatever you make it. You can get ideas from a site like this but we cannot determine how you do things (after all, that would not only be topping from the bottom but also topping from another part of the world )

Take things as slowly or as quickly as you feel you need to. Most people tend to start by a lot of communication - writing journals, talking about fantasies and so on. From the sounds of it you have done some of that already.

You may want to ask about your local scene - see if anyone on here or on another site is local to you so they can introduce you around and get you into the community properly.

As for dungeons... they don't need to be underground. Just fit out a spare room or a garage or your bedroom with equipment. Just make sure you can lock the door so that the kids can't get in there.