Thank you mich and Southernaccent. This list is always sure to get people talking.

Originally posted by Borgs_slave:
the abuser feels superior, that is the abusers fulfillment
Yes, but that fulfillment is fleeting. Abusers have an underlying sense of insecurity and worthlessness that makes them need another "fix" of intimidation and violence to constantly keep it at bay.

They try to create a situation where the victim is so worried about keeping the abuser happy that all of the victim's time is taken up in that pursuit. Many times it is that only in that relationship where the abuser feels in control.

Over the years, I've heard different theories (when you are in therapy as long as I was you hear things), but most do seem to agree that insecurity is at the core of most abusers problems. They just take it out on those around them.

Originally posted by Borgs_slave:
His intent is to cause me pain but not to do permanent damage. It is a fine line.
It is a fine line, but it is consent that draws it. In BDSM a Dom/me does want to cause pain, but does it in a way to give pleasure for both parties.

An abuser causes pain for it's own sake, and uses it to soothe his/her own fears and terrorize and exert control over the victim.

Yes, sometimes an abuser does care, but since abuse is such a selfish, self-centered condition I doubt one could ever call it love.

Originally posted by Borgs_slave:
Abusers isolate and create anxiety to keep the victim compliant.
I couldn't agree more. And in this quest for compliance, the feelings of the victim are never considered.

Often an abuser will come back to the victim after a beating and ask forgivness, promising "it will never happen again." After a very short time this becomes just another tool used for control.

My heart always goes out to the victim. As a survivor of abuse, I never dwell on the feelings of abusers. Their feelings do not move me in the least. The bottom line is; no matter how bad they feel , no matter how unable they are to deal with life or how shitty that life is: There is no excuse for their abusive behavior.

Look how many people there are in this world who have suffered abuse, or who are unable to deal with life, or whose lives are just plain shitty, AND who are not abusive.

Look how many people who are members of this forum who have been abused, Dom/mes, subs and slaves, who are repulsed by abusive behavior, and would never consider taking part in it.

This is not rant against you, Borgs_slave, and I apologise if it seems that way. It's just that this subject can bring up some pretty intense feelings in me, and today is just one of those times.

Just remember that consent is the key. And there is never an excuse.


(Whoa, it didn't seem like I typed this much. I think I need to go lie down.)