Hmmm... not scare her off...
you could tease her until she begs for release... that would not hurt her and how could she be afraid of a teasing tongue or fingers moving all over her body?, perhaps even tickeling a little... a bit of ice and fire prehaps... when you just dip your finger into hot wax and press it to sensitive skin it does not actually hurt but it still produces a nice sensation (e.g. on clit and lips, both kinds). you could play with her beeing afraid by letting her see the flame of the candle, but not what you intend to do with it, or you
could blindfold her and let her just feel (judge wisely wether fear of a flame will scare her off or not) or leave her untied but tell her not to move or make any sound whatever you do and tease her, set a timelimit and make a bet of it ...the loser has to serve the winner one evening or may not cum for a day while the other gets the chance to tease as much as possible... an evening of service perhaps starting with a nice massage, a meal, wash the other when showering, kneeling at the other ones feet while watching his/her favourite movie...
you could let her win and explore your submissive side a little....
I hope this will help... In my begginings, which are not long ago, stuff like that would definitely not have scared me off and I was pretty touchy and especially afraid of pain.

Have fun,
deig