Body Size & Shape

[claire]

I need to do a little reality testing here. I have always been fat and am now super-size. This is one of my biggest hang ups and a source of deep shame for me. I have a hard time believing a man could find me desirable. My Master continually astounds me as he loves large women. He even had me post nude pictures of myself on a BBW site. The response there was of course positive, but they were a self selected biased group. The prejudice against fat seems to be deeply embedded in our society, so I have a few questions.

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a fat person?

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a thin person?

What body type attracts you most?

How have your own body issues affected your love/sex life?

[yourlilslave86]

Claire,

I myself am overweight. I have to relate to you in this area. But one thing I have found in talking with my doc is that I can lose the weight. Something that always stopped me is my weight because why would someone want to date a "fat" person? It makes me head for that dark place and I don't want to be in that dark place.

What I did was research different diets and then talked to my doc about which one is better and we came to the conclusion that the South Beach diet was the best one for me. You can research it if you would like. I have cut out all pop and most sweets and I have been losing the weight. I check in with my doc once a month but if things start going bad I won't hesistate to call my doc. Plus from the nice sunburn I have now I have been doing a lot of swimming which is exercise so its not all bad.

As for your questions the majority of my partners haven't been bigger or drastically smaller than me they are about average. I don't really have a body type that attracts me the most because I look at what is on the inside instead of the outside.

I will be here to support you if you want to start losing weight *hugs*

Amanda

[angelic.zest]

*hugs* claire, i know where u are coming from. Being a plus size girl myself, sometimes its hard to feel desirable, senual and wanted, while all we see sometimes are thin, petite bdsm models and nilla models as well..lol..
i say as long as a person is healthy, and happy with themselves!

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a fat person?
i love plus size ppl, superplus size women are sexy to me, i love full thick hips and bottom *blushes*, i could be bias because im a hippy girl but i love females with large hips lol..

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a thin person?
not attracted to thin ppl...well....i have to be honest seems like most of the men ive ever dealt with were thin, i guess i like thin men but plus size girls

What body type attracts you most?
Plus size, if it aint thick it aint right! i am also attracted to muscles, broad shoulders and back.
How have your own body issues affected your love/sex life?
i use to be uncomfy with my body, never really liked to dress outside a causal comfort level...never really took photos of my body, never wanted to let to many ppl see me naked, but as i became older, grew into my body, and my own attitude, my own sexiness, ive gotten over those things and dealt with them in my own way and slowly it has helped me with my sex life lol..

[TomOfSweden]

What I did was research different diets and then talked to my doc about which one is better and we came to the conclusion that the South Beach diet was the best one for me. You can research it if you would like. I have cut out all pop and most sweets and I have been losing the weight. I check in with my doc once a month but if things start going bad I won't hesistate to call my doc. Plus from the nice sunburn I have now I have been doing a lot of swimming which is exercise so its not all bad.

I hate to be a Mr complainy. But I don't think Claire was asking for diet tips. The fact that you assume all fat people do... well... just adds to the prejudice both you and Claire was expressing.

I think this subject is very interesting so I'd hate it turning into a diet tips session. But if that's what you want Claire, I'll apologise and go and sit down again.

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a fat person?

It's not a question of repelled. I just don't notice fat women. I can scan a room and my mind just erases them. But, no I can't say its anything that attracts me. And there's fat and fat. I don't fall for skinny women either. My mind erases them to. I used to be attracted to them when I was a kid. But as I got older my tastes got heavier and heavier. But I still wouldn't call my wife today over-weight/fat. Not even nearly. She's my ideal. I also don't notice young chicks, (16-19) any more. Which I think is interesting, because I used to think they were the hottest chicks. I still think they're pretty, but they've fallen completely off my sexual interest radar. I'm more, "get your feet off the seat!" when I'm on the subway. The parenty vibe.

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a thin person?

Thin is relative. I like athletic bodies. Just thin means there's no muscles. I think muscles are important.

What body type attracts you most?
It's a question of proportion. A girl with big breasts can get away with some fat on her belly. While a woman not as blessed with them can't.

How have your own body issues affected your love/sex life?
In my early teens I used to think I was ugly and nobody could be attracted to me for my looks. So I thought I'd have to compensate with a great personality and getting a reputation for being dangerous, (ha ha snicker... embarrassing memories). When I was 18 I was stopped in the street by a modelling scout and I ended up modelling for underwear. Yes, my own body image effected my love/sex life a lot. But my own body image was insane. I could see an ugliness nobody else could. My soul was in a lot of pain which made me think the outside was as ugly as on the inside. My modelling stint was a rude awakening which solved all my body issues in one quick stroke. And after that I became totally full of myself thinking I was gods gift to women. And I'm sure I had much higher views of my own looks than what was actually true.

The moral of the story was that you might as well think you're gorgeous. It's not as if its anything that can be measured. And Claire, the fact that you're boyfriends into you just proves I'm right. You've got a body image that makes you think you look worse than reality. The fact that you're boyfriend is as into you as he is proves it. All men might not share the view, but who cares? It's not the rest of the world you're trying to impress. Just your own love at home.

[claire]

Thanks all for your replies. Tom is right I'm not looking for diet tips, but I do appreciate the honest answers.

I just don't notice fat women

Interesting, so, that feeling I get sometimes of being invisible is real. I always thought it was kind of weird - how could someone my size be invisible.... But thinking about it some more, it makes sense. We all have certain types of people that either catch our attention or go un-noticed.

[ChainsOfGonzo]

I'll answer the first two together. I am attracted by health. I am not particularly attracted by either the thin or the fat. I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm repelled - in either case I look at the person more than their body. But to me, I feel it is best if someone is a healthy weight.

I am attracted to all body types if they appear normal and health. Short, tall, slender build, stalky builds, etc...

My body image is generally good, but at the moment I am having anxiety problems which are causing me to lose weight. At the moment, I actually wish I could put on a couple pounds to soften me a bit. My collarbones and hips are showing more than I like. But I am struggling to eat and keep food down at the moment, so I'm taking it a day at a time.

[TomOfSweden]

Interesting, so, that feeling I get sometimes of being invisible is real. I always thought it was kind of weird - how could someone my size be invisible.... But thinking about it some more, it makes sense. We all have certain types of people that either catch our attention or go un-noticed.

I think the word "attraction" is the key. Being attracted to someone means they catch our eye. The other ones don't. So they're invisible.

We all think that everybody sees us and has an opinion. It's totally natural. Our minds are confined to our own bodies, and we create the entire universe inside our heads revolving around our own bodies. But so does everybody else. We are the most important person to ourselves. But only to us, no matter how much we'd wish they would care about us as much as we do.

Isn't that pretty much what growing up is about? Young kids are always upset about other people not understanding their specific problems, while they at the same time deny that other people might have different priorities that are relevant. Having a pimple on the nose for a young kid really can destroy their world.

Anyway. I think the trick isn't to be perfect to everyone, but to find a person to whom you're perfect to. Sure, having "ideal weight" might make that easier... but you don't want somebody to fall in love with your image, but to fall in love with you. And to those who thinks I'm saying, it's really the inside that counts... well I'm really not. I think the outside is just as important.

[WyldWyl]

I'm attracted very much to larger ladies and gentlemen. Skinny people have always weirded me out a little. I think, at least with women (men I'm more flexible on, but even then no one too scrawny) that they would need to be at least 'curvy' in my mind to attract my attention. It's a little misleading from me, though, as bodies aren't so much a factor in the attraction for me.

Has my own size/body image had an affect? Sure. I'm a big guy- tall, broad, thick and chubby. To give you an inkling, I'm 20, 189cm and 125-odd kilos. My romantic and sexual life were held back by that- at school, especially, my size made me a target and I felt uncomfortable in my own body, which held back my development in this area. Since having grown into my body over the last year or so, and become more active in my romantic and sexual life, it's become less and less of a handicap. Confidence is key, I think.

[Lady Hecate]

Claire:

I don't wish to say what my body proportions are, but that said, I am also not 100% happy with my body either, and I often do feel a little fat. Its probably an extremely common thing that most women feel.
I have wished for a long time that my abdominal area could be totally flat, but somehow I think that is probably never going to happen. I'm pretty sure I have a body type that naturally resists that. So, in a way, I can empathize with you.
Especially since some men actually do call me "fat" as well.

As for your questions:

Are you attracted to or repelled by a fat person? - I am not usually completely repelled by fat people. I had two ex girlfriends who were fat, and truthfully, I have always found them both extremely beautiful. That said, I think I also have to agree that I usually am not attracted to fat men.

Are you attracted to or repelled by thin people? - I am almost never attracted
to thin people. Almost any time I see people who are thin, my first thought is almost always, "he/she needs to eat more, seriously."
And I can never personally relate to the thing of "just forgetting to eat." I actually met one really thin guy once who told me the reason he was so small was because he simply got so busy doing other things he wouldn't remember to eat. Seriously, if I "forget" one meal I feel like I want to tear someone's head off.

What body type attracts you the most? - Truthfully, what I usually like the most is people who are muscular.

How have my own body issues affected my love life/sex life? - I have had men make disparaging comments about my body size/shape while I am naked in bed with them. There were at least a couple of guys who took one look at my naked body and said, "wow, you need more muscle tone."
And there was one particular ex who saw me naked, and just flat out told me that I am "huge." (Which I don't agree with, BTW, but whatever.)

[Hime]

claire,

My girl is a BBW. I wouldn't have called myself a chubby chaser or BBW fetishist before I met her, although I've always liked curves, but when I got to know her I came to see her size as a big turn-on. There's something really exciting about dominating a woman who's more than twice my size, and I love that I can just sink my fingertips (or teeth, hehe) into just about any part of her. With her white skin and long, curly red hair, she looks like a woman in a pre-Raphaelite painting. Usually one of the ones where the women are being ravished.

Sometimes people are surprised that I'm attracted to plus-sized women because I'm on the athletic side myself (I wear a size 4 or 6 and am a bit of a gym rat). I think there's a really pervasive attitude, at least in Western culture, that being fat or thin says something major about who you are as a person, and that if you're thin it must be because you work really hard to be that way, or if you're fat it's because you just sit around on the couch all day and don't care about your health. I really don't believe in that -- I don't think that body type has anything to do with who you are or what your priorities are. I know that I don't work to be thin; I eat more than most heavy people I know. So it would be pretty lame for me to judge someone based on their weight. In fact, I think it's pretty lame for anyone to judge someone without knowing the first thing about them, which is how lots of people treat heavy folks all the time.

It sounds like you're lucky to have found someone who wants to make you feel better about yourself, but in my experience confidence really has to come from within. Seeing a therapist helped me when I was having some body-image problems, so it might help you, too. And if you do decide to lose weight, of course that's your choice, but please resist the pressure to do anything extreme or unhealthy. Starving your body can cause long-term damage; I know people who've had serious health problems caused by extreme diets. Remember that you are a person who is loved and valued, not some source of shame or "concern" that has to be "cured."

I hope that my response helps.

~Hime

[Hime]

How have my own body issues affected my love life/sex life? - I have had men make disparaging comments about my body size/shape while I am naked in bed with them. There were at least a couple of guys who took one look at my naked body and said, "wow, you need more muscle tone."
And there was one particular ex who saw me naked, and just flat out told me that I am "huge." (Which I don't agree with, BTW, but whatever.)

Let me be the first person to offer to beat these guys up for you. I don't care if they're doms, subs, whatever: when you've got a woman naked in bed with you you'd better be grateful.

[Logic1]

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a fat person?

Well there is a difference between fat and chubby. I do like a woman with a little fat on her bones. Hips, waist and brests sure is part of the essence of femininity for me so.. No I am not attracted to fat women but some extra weight can be a good bonus for sure.

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a thin person?

What is thin? Like skinny like model thin? No that isnt exactly my cup of tea but I can appreciate beauty when I see it even if she happens to be skinny.

What body type attracts you most?

Medium I guess. Women who look like women and not boys. Not too big and not too thin either.

How have your own body issues affected your love/sex life?

No I cant say it has. I got a medium/thin body and I wish I could add some more muscle but no it doesnt really affect anything for me really.

[funtime37]

i feel that i must put my 2 cents in.
the bottom line for me is yes i am very attracted to bbw's i find them sexy to the point i have been married to two women that tip the scales at 300 pounds plus. but i for sure do not get hung up on a number. the thing is i find that women that are not a size 2 seem to me to be more real and more easy going. most to the "size 2" crowd come across as being uppy to me so do i look a a thin girl and get turned off no but, thin as a rail girls do nothing for me. as to my size affecting my sex life no it does not but personality seems to have more of an effect.

[deigja]

Hi Claire

The question is not always the weight. There are heavily overweight people that still seem attractive to me, because they have charism. If people seem to be confident, seem to feel comfortable with themselves, this is part of the deal. Although this is nothing sexual for me, (I usually head for the average guy, not skinny but not fat also), it makes me see some people while, as Tom, seem to erase others which are much thinner/ better in shape.
An open smile and an air of confidence make me notice people, whatever their weight may be.

Concerning my own Body issues and sex.. I never saw myself really negative... I always felt pretty comfortable in my own skin, but always considered myself average. Still I had some people bullying me at school, telling me I was ugly, so I fought a lot with myself in that time, wether I saw myself wrongly or wether these were just idiots that wanted to hurt me. It cost me dearly to find back to my selfconfidence. And some really really good friends helped me to keep my wits in this time.
My first Master was the one who reassured me, when I was almost desperate. Since then it got better and better and I realized that, as Tom told you as well, You don´t need to be perfect, you just have to find one person to which you are perfect.


Deigja

[deigja]

Hi Claire

The question is not always the weight. There are heavily overweight people that still seem attractive to me, because they have charism. If people seem to be confident, seem to feel comfortable with themselves, this is part of the deal. Although this is nothing sexual for me, (I usually head for the average guy, not skinny but not fat also), it makes me see some people while, as Tom, seem to erase others which are much thinner/ better in shape.
An open smile and an air of confidence make me notice people, whatever their weight may be.

Concerning my own Body issues and sex.. I never saw myself really negative... I always felt pretty comfortable in my own skin, but always considered myself average. Still I had some people bullying me at school, telling me I was ugly, so I fought a lot with myself in that time, wether I saw myself wrongly or wether these were just idiots that wanted to hurt me. It cost me dearly to find back to my selfconfidence. And some really really good friends helped me to keep my wits in this time.
My first Master was the one who reassured me, when I was almost desperate. Since then it got better and better and I realized that, as Tom told you as well, You don´t need to be perfect, you just have to find one person to which you are perfect.


Deigja

[MissElizabeth87]

Hi Claire. I very much understand where you're coming from. I'm not plus size, but because I'm a very very short woman, being a little bit overweight means that I look quite umm... stocky.

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a fat person?
-For me... it kind of depends on gender. The few women who attract me, well most of them are heavier. I just think that on a woman, a curvier figure looks better. Big hips and butt, breasts, and a rounder tummy just look... RIGHT on a woman. But as for guys, I actually tend to be into skinnier guys. Wellbehaved, my guy, is pretty skinny for his height, and I think it's super attractive.


Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a thin person?
-I kind of answered this in the last one. If they're male, yes. But, I don't mean this in a "so thin you'd think they don't eat" sort of thin. Just... "slender".


What body type attracts you most?
-a healthy one? I like curvy women, and that does NOT automatically make someone unhealthy. I like thinner men, but again, that does not automatically make him anorexic or something (You should see how much my guy eats. He always says he's a fat man in a thin man's body).


How have your own body issues affected your love/sex life?
-well, in the beginning, they very much did. I was afraid to even let Wellbehaved take off my shirt (he's my first...). I was very worried about how he would find my body attractive. Now, it really only affects the fact that I don't like to wear the latex/pvc/leather clothing that I've seen in all those online pictures of Dommes and I know my guy really likes... I just know I'm not gonna look NEARLY as good as the women in the pictures, regardless of how Wellbehaved says I will look amazing.

[eVile]

I'm a visual person, so I've attached two photos to demonstrate the range of my tastes. As you can see, I like em skinny. But, I'm also down with some chub.

The most important criteria is not weight per se, but facial prettiness and whether she's got an ass or not. I enjoy small, pert model's asses and big phat booties. What I don't like are flat or concave butts. These occur on slim and big girls alike. Breast size doesn't matter to me. Also, the fact that the chubby girl is tied up makes her much more attractive.

[WyldWyl]

...and I love that I can just sink my fingertips (or teeth, hehe) into just about any part of her.
~Hime

Amen to that!

[cadence]

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a fat person?
Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a thin person?

I'll answer both questions at the same time. I do look at body types to a degree, but I cannot say whether or not I am attracted or repelled by a thin or larger person. A person with an ugly attititude will definately repulse me. People who clearly do not take care of themselves because they don't care repulse me as well.

What body type attracts you most?

I am not attracted to obesity, thin bodies are fine, as are larger people as well. I do not like muscular bodies at at all, a little bit of muscle tone is nice, but not a lot.

How have your own body issues affected your love/sex life?

I have always had some meat on my bones, I have curves, but I have gained a bit of weight in the last few months. Anxiety caused me to become immobile for four months, and I never left the house. I am slowly starting to be more active and shed some pounds. I am still comfortable with my body, but uncomfortable with it at the same time as it is my fault for getting out of shape. To me it is not whether you are fat or thin, or who is attracted by it.
In the end it is your being able to be comfortable with your own body and if you are not, learning to be comfortable or if you can changing it so you are more comfortable.
As for sex, my boyfriend is a bit pissed I have gained the wieght, and we don't have sex anymore. That doesn't bother me though.

[Chuckdom19]

I do my best not to let the person's body do the talking... the mind is what you fuck, what attracts you, what keeps you together.

There are many, many people who are good and sexy and loving who are not "the ideals", through no fault of their own sometimes. I refuse to let ANY outside feature stop my interests.

[claire]

Thanks everyone for sharing. I have been feeling rather needy and insecure lately and very jealous of those of you with R/L partners. I guess what I'm getting out of this is what I've known all along. What people find attractive is a personal thing. The media doesn't seem to have biased people as much as I expected. I know some thin people suffer as much prejudice and harassment for their size as do heavy people. I was also wondering if the guys feel pressure to bulk up, as the media often portrays muscle bound hunks as the male ideal.

[DowntownAmber]

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a fat person?

Are you physically attracted to or repelled by a thin person?

I'm answering these two together because I have the same answer for both: neither attracted nor repelled based simply on that criteria. I am attracted toward people that look like they take some time caring about their appearance, that are confident about themselves and have some pride in who there are. Folks like that come in all shapes and sizes. I do have a purely physical attraction toward men with muscular arms, broad shoulders and (oddly enough, perhaps) nice hands. Don't know where that last little asthetic quirk came from, but there you go. *shrugs*



What body type attracts you most?

Hmmm, guess I kinda' answered this one up above as well. I'm an over-achiever that way.



How have your own body issues affected your love/sex life?

I wouldn't say my issues have affected my love/sex life in any way, but I still do look in the mirror and wonder if my breats would look better larger or if I could stand a little more curve here and there. I doubt anyone is completely happy with who they are physically.

One thing that does bother me occasionally, however (and there's even a little of it going on in this thread), is the fact that very few people are even remotely sensitive to the weight related comments they make towards "skinny" people. Both my mother and I have extremely hyperactive metabolisms to the point where if we don't eat four or five times a day we feel sick or, at the very least, light headed. I cannot tell you how many times we have been called anorexic, bulemeic, accused of being drug users or have been told we "need to eat more." If, in response to that, we actually say it's a metabolic issue the response we often get is a very snide, "must be nice!" I have had complete strangers walk up and tell me I "make them sick" or tell me that skinny people "freak them out." What the Hell?

Okay, rant over now, please feel free to remove your seatbelts and move about the thread.

[a1984944_isback]

Hi Claire,
You wrote " This is one of my biggest hang ups and a source of deep shame for me. I have a hard time believing a man could find me desirable. My Master continually astounds me as he loves large women. "

BELIEVE IT!! You are beautiful! He doesn't just love large women, he loves you and is w/ you! Feel no shame! You are who you are and have someone who loves who you are!

My wife is heavy and says these crazy things! I LOVE HER FOR HER! I LOVE BEING W/ HER!!

So...to answer your question, finally, I prefer a thick girl but appreciate all sizes.
I love the feel of a thick thigh and a plump rump - great to spank!

Take care and keep your head up - you are desired!

[sisterhoney61 {RW}]

Claire, I am a BBW and have been a plus size since high school. I've always felt unattractive to men and in school would walk with my shoulders hunched and my head down, staring at the ground. I did my best to blend in with the woodwork and remain invisible to people. As a result, my self-esteem was nil and I remained a virgin and dateless until I was 25. My best friend and her boyfriend at the time hooked me up with a guy the boyfriend worked with. He became the first man who really noticed me. I thought that I would never find another man to pay any attention to me and I jumped at the chance to be with him (desperation is not a good reason to be with someone). As a result, I entered a marriage that was abusive and I spent more of my married years alone than I did with him.

I met Master two years after my divorce. W/we met online and got involved in a relationship there without Him knowing what I looked like. When I explained to Him that I was a BBW, He said that was fine with Him, because He liked big girls. And after I sent Him my picture He said that He was looking forward to being with me in person. W/we have now been together IRL almost nine years. But even though Master tells me He loves me and accepts me the way I am and loves the fact that I am a BBW, I still have my "fat days." I still have my days when I look in the mirror and all I see is a beached whale and a fat cow. However, those days are getting fewer and farther between than they used to be. I can hold my head up when I'm with Him. I can walk around naked with Him.

Master keeps saying that one day I will believe Him when He tells me that I'm beautiful and sexy. He also adds that I may be on my deathbed, but I'll believe Him. I know how hard it is to finally get it through your head that you are beautiful just the way you are at this very moment. You are beautiful and sexy and loved. Right now.

[TomOfSweden]

Now, it really only affects the fact that I don't like to wear the latex/pvc/leather clothing that I've seen in all those online pictures of Dommes and I know my guy really likes... I just know I'm not gonna look NEARLY as good as the women in the pictures, regardless of how Wellbehaved says I will look amazing.

I think you've missed the point with latex completely. Or I should say rubber. Rubber is the thick material while latex is the thin, (below 0.3 mm and the cheap stuff). But people usually refer to both as latex. Its so strong that it pushes in your fat until it looks good.

A person with a firm body will always look, (and feel ) better than a "wobbly" person. And its kind of hard to avoid wobbliness with age. The high shine and pro make-up adds to the illusion. Keep in mind that you haven't seen any before-and-after pics of those on-line beauties, have you? And it smells nice

Latex also breaks easily, and is mostly often just wasted money. The rubber that amusingly "explodes" on the dance floor is always latex.

Leather's not my thing, so I can't really say. It feels more like clothes to hide behind than wear.... but maybe I just don't get it. Its probably a smell thing. And PVC is evil. I've yet to see anybody look better after wearing PVC than before.

Looking good isn't only a question of how your body looks, its mostly how you package it. It doesn't matter how good you look, if you've for example got bad hair... nobody cares. And to keep to the hair example, its not like one can't do anything about it. No hair is better than bad hair. There's always tweaks.

[fetishdj]

One thing I have noticed in my time is that the majority of women are not happy with thier body. Media images of women are getting more and more unrealistic and many now feel that they are 'not ideal' - even those who are close to that artificial ideal. Whether it is weight or breast size or hip/waist shape most women have something they hate and none of them take 'no, really, you are beautifully sexy' as an answer to the question 'does my bum look big in this?'

This is a shame as body shape is something that is partly genetic. Ok, you can make yourself horribly obese by eating badly and not exercising and that is correctable with discipline but if you are 'a little chunky round the middle' then you may well be that shape because of genes.

Trinny and Suzannah (two fashion gurus here in the UK) have been crusading on this issue for a while and have come up with some more comprehensive 'body shapes' than previously available - many of them variations on existing ones. For example there is 'The cello' which is a variation of the traditional 'hourglass'. Their book (which I think is called 'The Bodyshape Bible') covers how to dress no matter what your shape, condones dressing to complement your shape rather than trying to dress to fashion and encourages confidence in your shape.

As for my opinion? I like larger women. Many men do. And *most* men will admit to liking women who have a little bit of fat on them (especially round the front ) rather than an annorexic stick. Healthy is better than not healthy. Also, personality can make up for a lot.

And I know diet advice was not asked for but I will give this piece. The best diet advice I can give (as someone who has studied health to a certain extent) is to do it slowly and steadily (never crash diet as it leads to a faster return to original size), to eat regularly but reduce portion sizes and to exercise regularly. The exercise is the key as it means you not only burn off excess calories but also tone up muscles which means you often carry your weight better.

[fetishdj]

One thing I have noticed in my time is that the majority of women are not happy with thier body. Media images of women are getting more and more unrealistic and many now feel that they are 'not ideal' - even those who are close to that artificial ideal. Whether it is weight or breast size or hip/waist shape most women have something they hate and none of them take 'no, really, you are beautifully sexy' as an answer to the question 'does my bum look big in this?'

This is a shame as body shape is something that is partly genetic. Ok, you can make yourself horribly obese by eating badly and not exercising and that is correctable with discipline but if you are 'a little chunky round the middle' then you may well be that shape because of genes.

Trinny and Suzannah (two fashion gurus here in the UK) have been crusading on this issue for a while and have come up with some more comprehensive 'body shapes' than previously available - many of them variations on existing ones. For example there is 'The cello' which is a variation of the traditional 'hourglass'. Their book (which I think is called 'The Bodyshape Bible') covers how to dress no matter what your shape, condones dressing to complement your shape rather than trying to dress to fashion and encourages confidence in your shape.

As for my opinion? I like larger women. Many men do. And *most* men will admit to liking women who have a little bit of fat on them (especially round the front ) rather than an annorexic stick. Healthy is better than not healthy. Also, personality can make up for a lot.

And I know diet advice was not asked for but I will give this piece. The best diet advice I can give (as someone who has studied health to a certain extent) is to do it slowly and steadily (never crash diet as it leads to a faster return to original size), to eat regularly but reduce portion sizes and to exercise regularly. The exercise is the key as it means you not only burn off excess calories but also tone up muscles which means you often carry your weight better.

[TomOfSweden]

One thing I have noticed in my time is that the majority of women are not happy with thier body. Media images of women are getting more and more unrealistic and many now feel that they are 'not ideal' - even those who are close to that artificial ideal. Whether it is weight or breast size or hip/waist shape most women have something they hate and none of them take 'no, really, you are beautifully sexy' as an answer to the question 'does my bum look big in this?'

This is a shame as body shape is something that is partly genetic. Ok, you can make yourself horribly obese by eating badly and not exercising and that is correctable with discipline but if you are 'a little chunky round the middle' then you may well be that shape because of genes.

I think you're touching on a very deep issue. The problem is basically that we're still just a breed of monkey. We want to be prettier/better than all the others. When we didn't have tools to fix ourselves, we had to accept ourselves. I'm not saying this was better, but just a fact of life.

So what's the problem with media? Well, now when we have the tools to fix ourselves and make ourselves pretty, we compare ourselves with those who look great in pictures. This is a source of pressure and guilt.

But its not a fair comparison because we all know that the pictures in media, (and I'm referring to all media, included your uploaded pictures here) is your best angle on a good day. But we're stupid monkeys. We can't handle this subconsciously.

*edit*
...and grainy pictures. We fill in gaps. Things we can't see accurately, we upgrade.
*end of edit*

I don't think the big media corporations are evil or creating unattainable ideals. We're just as guilty. I think models being radically photoshoped to a point where they barely look human is only positive because then its easier to see it for the fantasy it is. And have fun with it rather than being the source of guilt.

It's the anxiety and guilt that is bad, not the attempts to make yourself pretty. In the BDSM scene we have no taboos when it comes to making ourselves pretty. We can all of us take what we have and flaunt it. You know that if you're smart somebody will worship your body. If you don't like the way your face is.... put on a latex mask, and flash your tits.

I think the biggest danger here is to pretend like any ideal today isn't artificial. They all are. And they're all designed to be hard to attain, because that's what our monkey brains select for. You just want an ideal where you're the one that looks good. Pick that. There's always a style for you and your body type. If you've got an ideal that isn't right for you, then you've got a problem with reality. But this is a common issue women have, so I'm not going to play it down.

Once I went into a skateboard shop here in Stockholm and tried on some jeans. They where all designed for short and squat people. They looked great on the guys in the shop. But I looked like a clown in them.

We have certain genetic cues we look for when we're checking somebody out. People who have them are attractive. We don't care if we're being fooled or not. We are only looking for the cues. If we can see them... fake or not. We get horny. Pretending like we don't care about looks is not helpful.

This is the brain we've got and we can either accept it and work with it, or be unhappy and think nobody will love us for our bodies because we hate them.

[fetishdj]

I think part of the problem is that computer 'airbrushing' is a lot cheaper and more realisitic that the old fashioned equivilent (when they literally airbrushed the photo). It is harder to spot as having been done unless you are good at looking for the signs and most of us don't bother to analyse every photo we see.

BTW, my avatar has not been airbrushed. Not even to remove the embarressing part which is visible if you look closely It is a good photo of me, though. In that position I have the illusion of musculature when really I am not as well toned as all that

I remember reading an interesting idea about evolution involving the natural development of most species being a divergence into 'robust' and 'gracile' forms which then develop into seperate species. It happened to elephants and to apes and it could now be happening to us (again, since we were the gracile form of the apes we descended from). The general pattern seems to be that the gracile form is more aggressive while the robust form is more passive and often vegetarian.

[caligirl{Rob}]

I get very self-conscious of my body/appearance and would just as well "hide" behind something that pushes and pulls all the parts that need to be put back into place, however Sarge still prefers me bare, and enjoys working our sessions in front of a mirror with my eyes watching His work. I am slowly learning to relinquish my "horror" to His pride...it is a long road even for some in fine shape to see ourselves in a positive light.
cali