Arwcuw, you can see that there is a pretty wide spectrum of expectations and behaviors.

Am I right that you're pretty new to BDSM activity? If I'm right -- and I mean no disrespect in any case -- then you'll notice that pita and I (two posts up) are in a TPE (total power exchange), and for us the "details" of daily life do not get boring except when they necessitate us being non-BDSM (as real life often demands, but who said bill-paying, etc., would be fun?). Our relationship is currently D/s and will become, when we finally feel enough confidence in one another as well as in ourselves, M/s.

Others find BDSM a part-time activity. Some emphasize the D/s activity (out of the bedroom) and others emphasize the Top/bottom activity (in the bedroom).

Those who are exclusively active with BDSM in sex alone are often referred to as Tops and bottoms.

None of these are "better" than the other for anyone but yourself, so decide how you and yours want to live, then enjoy it. To do anything else makes no sense (imo).

Best wishes.
hJ